Courageous Warrior

Promised Land

2010-01-12T08:22:00.000-08:00

Year 2009 flew passed and i only realised i have not blogged for ONE year!!
oh well, this is the first entry of 2010!!

2009 has been a great year and 2010 shall be a even better one...
2010 is a year of Restful Increase

in 2008, i was given a vision
I am fighting cobwebs in darkness
Though i am struggling at times, God still hold me in his hands
God is bringing me to the promised land, flowing with milk and honey

for a long time i was asking what is the promised land
is it a location? a person? an event happening? looking forward to the promised land
I hid what i heard in my heart

Then in 2009 sometime in Oct during one caregroup meeting
I heard someone asking "what is the promised land in today's modern context?"
Another answered "it is REST"

...to be continued. yawnz need to zzz...

Luke 7:41..

2008-12-24T05:37:00.000-08:00

41-42"Two men were in debt to a banker. One owed five hundred silver pieces, the other fifty. Neither of them could pay up, and so the banker canceled both debts. Which of the two would be more grateful?"

43-47Simon answered, "I suppose the one who was forgiven the most."
..... She was forgiven many, many sins, and so she is very, very grateful. If the forgiveness is minimal, the gratitude is minimal." (Message)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
41 “There was a certain creditor who had two debtors. One owed five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. 42 And when they had nothing with which to repay, he freely forgave them both. Tell Me, therefore, which of them will love him more?”

43 Simon answered and said, “I suppose the one whom he forgave more.”
47 Therefore I say to you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven, for she loved much. But to whom little is forgiven, the same loves little.” (NKJV)

We love because HE first loved us. But do we realise HOW much we had been forgiven?
Do we still believe that there is any good in and out of ourselves?
Do we think that we can achieve anything with our own efforts, intellect, strength?
Do we dare to believe that HE is that good to forgive ALL of our sins?
Do we have a good opinion of God?
Is HE really ALL loving? or sometimes judges? at times angry? aha the wrath of God!!?

I fell in love with Abba when HE extended His compassion and forgiveness
I knew how bad a person i was
I received His forgiveness when my opinion of Him changed.
I kindda thought he was somewhat angry and disappointed with me. THAT WAS A LIE from the pits of hell OK! ABBA is LOVE and LOVE only!
LOVE NEVER FAILS 1Cor13:8

Love Ya Guys!!

2008-12-14T09:19:00.001-08:00

The greatest love of all is easy to receive!
Haha that's what i am (or should be) living for each day.
The greatest love of all keeping me, sustaining me.
Whenever i feel crappy and snappy..
that's an indicator that i am low on love

love me more Lord.love me more Lord.
Show me the length, depth and height of your love towards me!
Give me fresh revelations each day.

Freely i receive, freely i give.

Dear friends who are reading this.
Wanna tell you that i love all of you and you are in my thoughts...
though you may not have heard from me...often, at all,...
You are in my heart. but i gathered that its all counted as nonsense?

Someone told me recently that i do not have empathy!
maybe not enough empathy, not enough love..
Hang on there people. stick with me.
Thank you for being my friend.
Bear with me ok... hahaha i am learning...

taking the less-travelled road_

2008-11-29T05:06:00.000-08:00

When I have abundance, I tend to lose perspective of simple things in life
maybe the busyness of life had clouded my vision too...

there were two crisis that happened of late.
My beloved papa went to be with Jesus on 4Nov08
And one week prior to that, i fell and fractured my left foot and had to be casted for few weeks

It's been a long time since i had such a long period of idle time at home.
Coupled with my immobility, i had plenty of time to catch up on things that i missed doing..
afternoon naps, music, sermons, reflection, stock take on my relationship with God, stock take on 2008

2008 had been a great year despite all the pain. By God's grace i had grown, though at many times i still don't quite like myself much. i don't love enough, i am not patient enough, i failed too many times... I now understand what it means not to criticise myself. growing up is indeed a struggle and painful process....refined in hot fire. But its all good. I had told God i wanted to learn fast despite the pain. maybe i felt that i had lost much precious time wandering wondering in the wilderness before. The revealation of God's great love had caused me to change my heart. God knows how much tears i had shed during the times of trials....and i still want to stick to growing up fast. Haiz...and His grace is sufficient to guide me through.

Simplicity Humility and Contentment...some things i had been reminded to meditate on during my times of reflections
The wonders of God's creation.... the smell of rain, the smell of fresh crisp air, the white fluffy clouds, the feel of wind caressing my cheeks, the warmth of sunlight, the swaying trees, the beautiful rainbow, a child smiling, a baby chuckling, an extra piece of roast pork! the list goes on...
I indeed have adundance in Singapore compared to in Melb.....family, more friends, more money, more many things.. but... i became less grateful. Taking things for granted at times. Losing the simplicity of life. Losing perspective.

My desire for 2009 is to make Jesus my best friend.

Praise

2008-11-26T04:01:00.000-08:00

I give a shout of praise
Hallelujah !!!
The desire to praise too...given from on high
leading me to the path of victory
As i shout with abandon
Walls come tumbling down
Rejoice.
Jumping up and down.
Spinning around.
Expecting great victory and breakthroughs.
Hallelujah

Quiet

2008-11-26T03:27:00.000-08:00

In the stillness of the night
As I lie awake, sleep eluding me
Memories came flooding me
As I recall the experiences that life had given me
Some bitter sweet, some painful, some heart warming, some regrets
All hidden in the deep recesses of my heart
Only the Lord knows and understood
Only the Lord I give permission to enter to heal
His presence ever comforting
His love unfailing
As I pour out my heart and desires to HIM
HE hears my cries and gathers it all in His loving hands
As I struggle to submit with obedience and trust
He gently soothe me with His love and bind up my wounded heart
Once again...
When life demands, disappoints and hurt
I turned to my Saviour whom I had trusted
Whom had delivered me time and time again
Tears He had collected in His bottle
Remembering me His beloved daughter
In quietness, trust and obedience
I wait upon the Lord, Who renews my strength
I shall rise up on eagles wings into the realm of peace
In the heavenlies places
Seated at my Abba's right hand, together in Christ

What does it mean to look to the left or right, not to the front all the time?

2008-11-17T05:04:00.000-08:00

Reaching Out

2008-11-17T03:39:00.000-08:00

I was in the house with Abba, blessed, contented and enjoying the communion...
Abba asked me to go out of the house. I refused and started listing my reasons for not wanting to.
I told Abba my plate is full. I don't need anymore things on my plate!
Well, Abba being the sovereign God, He eventually kicked me out of the house.
Kicked me out OK! Haiz
I was with nothing except for a rod and staff. Where are the clothes and food!??
hahahah Abba said that's not necessary as HE will provide.

As much as i didn't want to get out of my comfort zone, Abba did not leave me with much choice..
maybe HE knew i won't openly defy HIM when i know HIS desire clearly.
sigh...off i went...doing what i think i should do.
I took up a second ministry involved in caring for new believers. I took more deliberate efforts to attend to other's needs before my own. I learned to listen to ppl without wanting to shut off their problems.
........

mmm still waiting for the second vision to come to pass : )

Abba is setting me up for more blessings!!!

Committment to the Call

2008-11-13T01:00:00.000-08:00

As Daddy pours out his love more and more into my heart,
i started to repent from my selfish self.
When i hear HIM say 'sweetheart I love you and you are beautiful in MY eyes'
tears of unexplainable joy, love and gratefulness rolled down my cheeks.
Daddy's unconditional love makes me want to give more of my heart to HIM.
All of it...even my breath...

Lord,
I want to conquer the world for you.
And I will run the race with joy and endurance.
Not by might, not by power but by the spirit of God,
I will complete the race till i see You face to face.
To see Your face beaming with joy and pride, Your arms wide open to receive me with a beary hug.

Journey

2008-11-13T00:18:00.000-08:00

walking with Abba is never boring...
He reveals different aspects of Himself as i run the race

There was some point about 2-3 months ago when i was so weary and discouraged
I even contemplated giving up this race altogether...
it seems too tough to carry on...helpless too frequent
Silly old me has forgotten how life sucks in the past that i actually has thoughts of reverting to the low life i used to have. Though i am not exactly there yet, living a spirit led life is definitely much much much more desirable. I am in the world but NOT of the world.
Thank God for His unfailing love. Though i struggle at times, He still holds me in His hands.
Constantly reminding me not to give up and Holy Spirit is my helper and there is no need to feel helpless. I guessed i took some time for this truth to drop in my heart. Finally i yielded myself to the One greater in me and situations around me suddenly became more bearable. My confidence grew and received supernatural strength in facing difficult situations.

In the midst of trials, i am also being sharpened, prepared to be of use as a lethal weapon.
Trials as refining fire to mould me for Kingdom use.
As i fan myself into flames, building myself up in the most holy faith, the external fire can't hurt me...

God didn't want me to give up, that i have to continue running.
HE together running the race with me, cheering me on.
Constantly hoovering around me, watching over me with tenderness and lovingkindness.
I realised He is more determined to help me finish the race than i desire myself!

...

2008-05-21T04:50:00.000-07:00

the true test comes when rubber meets the road.

love

2008-04-26T07:29:00.000-07:00

....the healing agent to broken hurting hearts.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. 1Cor13:13 NIV
i realised they are so so so many hurting people around.
the 'emo' teens. we also have the 'emo' 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s!
God has been teaching me on hurt and love of late.
i have observed that many are selfish and not capable of unconditional love (at least consistenly)

tobecontinued. in construction.

Jesus

2008-01-31T06:38:00.000-08:00

you have Me, you have everything
I am your confidence
I laid down My life for you
to redeem you
to redeem you from all curses
to restore you
to restore your former glory
in Me you have everything

on my 31st birthday. while lazing on bed
i asked the Lord for a special gift
a special birthday gift
guess the reply?...
Jesus. this is the best gift you ever have
i answered. no Lord! i mean a tangible gift.
a natural gift. a real gift i can hold.

same reply. In Jesus you have everything.
Arrgghhhh....lol. patience patience

Holy Spirit

2008-01-31T05:50:00.001-08:00

And when you need a shoulder to cry on,
When you need a friend to rely on,
When the whole world is gone,
you won't be alone, cause I'll be there,
I'll be your shoulder to cry on,
I'll be there,
I'll be a friend to rely on,
When the whole world is gone,
you won't be alone, cause I'll be there.

lol. this song was popular when i was in Secondary school!!
long forgotten until recently. I woke up one morning and
this song came... i was like what!!??
why this song? its a secular song le.
vaugely remembered it was sung by Tommy Page.
Thank God for internet. did a quick search and
found the full lyrics:

Life is full of lots of up and downs,
And the distance feels further when you're headed for the ground,
And there is nothing more painful than to let your feelings take you down,
It's so hard to know the way you feel inside,
When there's many thoughts and feelings that you hide,
But you might feel better if you let me walk with you by your side,

And when you need a shoulder to cry on,
When you need a friend to rely on,
When the whole world is gone,
you won't be alone, cause I'll be there,
I'll be your shoulder to cry on,
I'll be there,
I'll be a friend to rely on,
When the whole world is gone,
you won't be alone, cause I'll be there.

All of the times when everything is wrong
And you're feeling like
There's no use going on
you can't give it up
I hope you work it out and carry on
Side by side,
With you till the end
I'll always be the one to firmly hold your hand
no matter what is said or done
our love will always continue on...

Abba

2008-01-31T05:28:00.001-08:00

I am totally devoted to you.
I came to save you.
I tenderly embrace you in my arms.
do not push Me away and reject My love.
let Me kiss away your tears of sorrow.
rest your tired head against Me and hear
My heart beating passionately for you.
the steady rythmn will soothe your soul.
in My embrace you find comfort.
you find assurance.
put your trust in My hands.
listen to Me whisper 'I love you'.

letting go

2007-12-10T03:21:00.000-08:00

aha. i guessed this is one thing that is on most people's top 10 list of 'difficult things to do'. we like to dwell on the past. grumble about it. nurse and rehearse it. like a dog licking a wound. Pastor preached on 'letting go' this week. it brought back much sweet memories. not too long ago, i was struggling in this area as well. God cannot help me then, as i was trying to help myself. ie holding on too tightly, that my hands are not open to receive His help. His help came swiftly when i most needed it. "you are going to breakdown soon". well, don't know what it exactly means by 'breakdown' but definitely something bad ya. That was when He showed up to rescue me from the wilderness.

Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old.
Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it?
I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert. Isaiah 43:18-19

the number one thing that God instructed me to do is to forgive some people. i was given a choice to let go of the past and forgive. or continue to hold on the past and allowing all the negative feelings to slowly consume me. i decided to choose the former. i still had enough sense to know danger that was explicitly told to me. 'breaking down soon' i decided it is not too good news. so i unwillingly let go. still not knowing it was truly for my own good. now i fully experience the above verse. played out in my own life. a new thing! many many many many good things has happened since! indeed rivers in the desert. God has been so faithful. even when i did not understand all things, holy spirit helped me and guided me throughout the journey. Holy Spirit was my counsellor and comforter. I was greatly ministered to by the Lord himself. as you already know. i don't talk alot about my personal stuff or share much of my problems and burdens. most of the time i cry out to the Lord. smile. in some ways, my quiet has blessed me.

God gets really angry when He can't bless me. He grabbed hold of me and shoke me to my senses (literally). The abundant blessings He has for me can't flow through when my hands are tight, clenching on to the past. the 'if only' 'who did what' 'why me' 'how can this happen' its all junk that should be cleared away. put into Jesus's loving hands for He can turn all these into something beautiful.

can I trust you?

2007-10-19T23:30:00.000-07:00

cry. i failed miserably.
i was convicted. not to do things for eye service but to please the Lord.
our CEO was visiting our dept and knowing that he is somewhere
around and could be listening to me...
i deliberately put in extra effort to do a 'good job'.
well, to impress others, you know.

smile...guess what. i was gently rebuked....
i should be doing these things to please the Lord
not to please man. or for selfish reasons...

i used to ask God. can i trust You? trust You to save me.
trust You to protect me. trust You to provide for me.
i am given a new perspective....can i be trusted??
can i be trusted with the things of God. can i be trusted with God's people.
can i be trusted with the gifts given to me. can i be trusted with what God
puts in my hands.
God is asking: can I trust you?
i have failed. i felt so sorry. i am glad it was exposed to me.
and i am learning. to be a faithful servant.

heart

2007-10-19T22:32:00.000-07:00

our heart. the vital organ for our being.
Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Prob4:23

Do not harden your hearts, as in the rebellion,
As in the day of trial in the wilderness, When your fathers tested Me;
They tried Me, though they saw My work.
For forty years I was grieved with that generation,
And said, ‘It is a people who go astray in their hearts,
And they do not know My ways.’ So I swore in My wrath,
‘They shall not enter My rest.’ Psalms 95:8-11

Wait on the LORD; Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the LORD Psamls 31

i am still trying to make sense out of these.....
my heart has been strengthened. i know it. but how did it happened?
by waiting on the Lord i believe. my straying heart is now given to the Lord.
i want to give my whole heart to the Lord. All of Him and none of me.

One thing I have desired of the LORD,
That will I seek: That I may dwell in the house of the LORD
All the days of my life, To behold the beauty of the LORD,
And to inquire in His temple.

'grow up'

2007-09-30T07:08:00.000-07:00

today's sermon in Church shed more light into 'grow up'
Pastor was preaching on why some christians are leading victorious
life while some are not. why some people gets healing, some don't..

well, it lies in one crucial point. in knowing the full truth of the gospel.
the significance of Jesus's death and His work on the cross
some people are saved but if they have not fully understood the
full truth, they still live in areas of lack. nevertheless, they are still saved.
but may not be able to enjoy the 'now life' in abundance.
knowing the truth sets you free.
and only knowing the full truth, can one truly live freely and victoriously.

For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear,
but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father.

some fragments of my memory. for details pls purchase the
CD sermon dated 30.9.07

let me share my experience.
even though i have heard the grace message for a few years..
i still found it difficult to believe that my sins He remember no more.
i continued to have a guilty conscious and dare not boldly approach
God. i felt condemned when i read the bible.
i am not sure how He will react to me. for i know that wrong
doings deserves punishment. furthermore i have heard other
preachers which confused me more. as much as i wanted to believe
the grace message, i struggled and have doubts as they are others
who came opposing it and giving other opinions on losing your
salvation and such. i am hearing mixed messeages. on one hand
fighting to believe the truth and on the other resisting the conflicting
message. there came a point i was burning with the question
'do i have my salvation?' in my mind, if i have 'lost' my salvation,
i would rather give up christianity all together.
following rules and what to do and what not to do is extremely
difficult, if not impossible. then my 'superman' came to my rescue!
HE settled that once and for all. HE said 'how can I be angry with you?
i love you so much. you have your salvation many years ago'
wow that was an out of the world experience.

the truth has liberated me indeed! i felt awkward calling God 'daddy'
once upon a time. but now i feel confident to call HIM Daddy and
firmly established that love bond in my heart.

i once thought that God was angry with me. but lo and behold. NO!
Even the language He used is beautiful. 'how can I be angry with you?'
instead of 'I am not angry'
knowing that God is my father. a loving daddy. and not a disciplinary,
angry God has given me freedom. this is 'grow up'

thoughts....

2007-09-29T06:53:00.000-07:00

dear friends,

been some time i last wrote.
much has happened. so much to share about the goodness of my Father.
many precious moments and lessons.

Though the fig tree may not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines;
Though the labor of the olive may fail, and the fields yield no food;
Though the flock may be cut off from the fold, and there be no herd in the stalls-
Yet i will rejoice in the LORD, I will joy in the God of my salvation.
The LORD God is my strength; He will make my feet like deer's feet,
and He will make me walk on my high hills.
Habakkuk 3:17

the above verse resounded in me when i read it, at random.
i sense that God is doing a deep work in me....
drawing me to higher level of faith. learning to trust Him and
know Him more intimately. This verse drew me and warmed my heart.
giving me a quite confidence and assurance. little by little,God is stretching
me, enlarging me

in 2004, i was given a vision.
"i see you as a child, playing in the playground.
you are very close to your father.
you see your father as a superman.
you went around telling other kids how great your father is.
but your father wants you to grow up. it is time for you to grow up.
your father wants you to be able to share mature things with the adults and....."

you know what, i can't recall the rest of it! and it is very percious.
i regret not writting it down. sigh. anywayz. at that point i was like asking,
what does it mean to 'grow up'. growing up spiritually i finally figured.....

last year, i heard Col Stringer shared, many years ago, he was 'spiritually densed'.
and he decided to pray in tongues for 6 hours every day for 3 months.
He received his breakthrough!
i was very inspired. i decided i wanted to try that out.
but the flesh is lazy! i struggled. i forgot.
once i took time out and check in a hotel for my own retreat.
i actually planned to pray unceasingly...but the best i managed was merely
2 hours. but i was still encouraged. because prior to that,
the longest i prayed was about 30 mins. it gave me hope that it is possible
to be like apostle Paul who prayed much

then i made a concious effort to pray in tongues.
i pray when i am sitting on the great white throne- i.e toilet bowl.
i pray while i walk to the MRT station. i pray during the journey
to work. i pray when i bath. i pray when i have pockets of free time.
i pray when i watch tv. i pray before i fall asleep.
i realised i do not have to deliberate set aside 'prayer time' and procastinate....
i sum up all the times i prayed throughout the day, it easily amount
to about 2 hours! if not more...

i had a dream recently. i dreamt i was with a very weak, sickly person.
i needed to support this person. half walking and half dragging him...
i was at a lost...did not know what to do.....
then i decided to pray in tongues since i did not know what to do
something amazing and powerful happened then.
i felt strength and energy going into the person
and he said 'in the name of Jesus..'
i sensed that God is wanting to teach me something....
recalling all the other dreams that i had...
praying in tongues helps us! especially in situations we do not know
what to do. although we can't 'see' with our physical eyes, i firmly
believe that power is released when we pray in tongues.
even when the situation seemingly remain unchanged. but in the
spiritual realm, God is already at work.

you know, when God told me that when i make mistakes,
holy spirit will guide me back to Him. i was like what!. i don't think
i will make mistakes loh. as i plan to obey Him.
haha. i always perceive 'mistakes' as something more serious
maybe something like stealing, cheating, etc.
smile. i recently learnt a lesson.
worry is also a 'mistake'
so is fear.
these are the things HE does not want us to do.
yet we continue to worry and fear. we consider it as 'normal'
as the world does not believe that one can be without worry

i asked God. we have the shield of faith. we are protected.
the promise is 'no weapons formed against us shall prosper'.
then why do we need the helmet of salvation?
God showed me. helmet of salvation is our 'thought life'
we have a choice to what thoughts we fill our minds with.
we have to be very careful to what we are thinking.
that's where the devil tries to plant seeds of confusion and lies
every piece of the armour of God serves a purpose.
i dreamt of the verse Ephesians 6:10

the sword of the spirit. the two edged sword.
the WORD and speaking in tongues. two things that the Lord has
been drawing me to do. i am still trying to read the bible consistently.
to take my daily dose of manna. of late i have this desire to study
the Word in a deeper level. again, the flesh is lazy...
another interesting thought.
'the bible is dead without the holy spirit. it is the holy spirit that gives life'

my spirit did a umph when i read Ken Hagin Jr. an attitude he learned
from his family. 'I cannot be defeated and I will not quit' A committment
to push through to victory has always been a part of his makeup. Even
the family's coat of arms has the motto: Victory or Death.
very inspiring. i too tell myself. from now on it is either Victory or Death
and Jesus is the Victor and victory HE has placed in my hands.
HE trains my hands for war

haha. i too have the chinese anointing. God gave me these two words on
seperate occasions. 1) quan bing 2) yin shui shi yuan
quan bing is authority in english. bing can mean weapon or
the joint between flower or leave to the main branch, besides other meanings.
(yin) drink (shui) water (shi) remember (yuan) source

i cannot understand when God asked me to worship Jesus. Exalt Jesus and
i will be at His right hand. is there a difference between a relationship with
1) God the Father
2) Jesus the Son
3) Holy Spirit ??
.......still figuring.......

The Lord brought to my rememberance that i used to dream a dream
when i was very young. it was long forgotten until now...
in the dream...i saw a big black rolling stone...*imagine a bowling ball x10?*
it was rolling towards me....and as it rolled it got bigger and i looked with
fear. On hindsight, i realised that the devil is working in my mind.
planting fear in me. In Jesus name, i break the bondage of fear.

one thing i desire above all things. the warmth and heart so full with love
that it feels like 'bursting' kind of feeling. so close to heaven kind of feeling.
i pray that i do not lose this feeling. do not depart from the love of God.
you know, my life is nothing without God. seriously nothing. HE stretched
forth His loving arms to save me when i was suffering.
I have nothing in and of myself that i can boast of. absolutely nothing good.
it is the goodness of God that He poured out His lovingkindness and
mercy unto me. i am humbled that He choose such a flawed vessel to bless.
'i won't let go until you say YES. please allow ME to help you'
why would Almighty God plead with me to allow Him to help me.
this is how gracious and loving HE is.

Be patient and wait with quiet confidence. I AM that I AM
Do not fear the world. For I AM for you.

Only Believe

2007-07-31T03:55:00.000-07:00

what is so difficult with the word believe?
nothing complex. believe is to trust. trust is to believe.
i have been grappling with some issues of late...
don't know how....
and holy spirit really bears witness to the WORD.
friend talking......"conversation........only believe"
seems like my spirit man was suddenly awake when 'only believe' was said.
it sent a strong conviction in my heart.
the way God works is a mystery! Some how it seems i have gained new understanding!
but in fact it is something i have known these while or should have known.
still getting to know more of HIM each day.
Jesus rocks! tothecore!

Praise for God’s Deliverance

2007-06-30T19:27:00.000-07:00

2 Samuel 22

Then David spoke to the LORD the words of this song, on the day when the LORD had delivered him from the hand of all his enemies, and from the hand of Saul. And he said:“The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; The God of my strength, in whom I will trust; My shield and the horn of my salvation, My stronghold and my refuge; My Savior, You save me from violence. I will call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised; So shall I be saved from my enemies. “When the waves of death surrounded me, The floods of ungodliness made me afraid.
The sorrows of Sheol surrounded me; The snares of death confronted me. In my distress I called upon the LORD, And cried out to my God; He heard my voice from His temple, And my cry entered His ears. “Then the earth shook and trembled; The foundations of heaven quaked and were shaken, Because He was angry. Smoke went up from His nostrils, And devouring fire from His mouth; Coals were kindled by it. He bowed the heavens also, and came down With darkness under His feet. He rode upon a cherub, and flew; And He was seen upon the wings of the wind. He made darkness canopies around Him, Dark waters and thick clouds of the skies.
From the brightness before Him Coals of fire were kindled. “The LORD thundered from heaven, And the Most High uttered His voice. He sent out arrows and scattered them; Lightning bolts, and He vanquished them. Then the channels of the sea were seen, The foundations of the world were uncovered, At the rebuke of the LORD, At the blast of the breath of His nostrils.
“He sent from above, He took me, He drew me out of many waters. He delivered me from my strong enemy, From those who hated me; For they were too strong for me. They confronted me in the day of my calamity, But the LORD was my support. He also brought me out into a broad place; He delivered me because He delighted in me. “The LORD rewarded me according to my righteousness; According to the cleanness of my hands He has recompensed me. For I have kept the ways of the LORD, And have not wickedly departed from my God. For all His judgments were before me; And as for His statutes, I did not depart from them. I was also blameless before Him, And I kept myself from my iniquity. Therefore the LORD has recompensed me according to my righteousness, According to my cleanness in His eyes. “With the merciful You will show Yourself merciful; With a blameless man You will show Yourself blameless; With the pure You will show Yourself pure; And with the devious You will show Yourself shrewd. You will save the humble people; But Your eyes are on the haughty, that You may bring them down. “For You are my lamp, O LORD; The LORD shall enlighten my darkness. For by You I can run against a troop; By my God I can leap over a wall. As for God, His way is perfect; The word of the LORD is proven; He is a shield to all who trust in Him. “For who is God, except the LORD? And who is a rock, except our God? God is my strength and power, And He makes my way perfect. He makes my feet like the feet of deer, And sets me on my high places. He teaches my hands to make war, So that my arms can bend a bow of bronze. “You have also given me the shield of Your salvation; Your gentleness has made me great. You enlarged my path under me; So my feet did not slip. “I have pursued my enemies and destroyed them; Neither did I turn back again till they were destroyed. And I have destroyed them and wounded them, So that they could not rise; They have fallen under my feet. For You have armed me with strength for the battle; You have subdued under me those who rose against me. You have also given me the necks of my enemies, So that I destroyed those who hated me. They looked, but there was none to save; Even to the LORD, but He did not answer them. Then I beat them as fine as the dust of the earth; I trod them like dirt in the streets, And I spread them out. “You have also delivered me from the strivings of my people; You have kept me as the head of the nations. A people I have not known shall serve me. The foreigners submit to me; As soon as they hear, they obey me. The foreigners fade away, And come frightened from their hideouts. “The LORD lives! Blessed be my Rock! Let God be exalted, The Rock of my salvation! It is God who avenges me, And subdues the peoples under me; He delivers me from my enemies. You also lift me up above those who rise against me; You have delivered me from the violent man. Therefore I will give thanks to You, O LORD, among the Gentiles, And sing praises to Your name. He is the tower of salvation to His king, And shows mercy to His anointed, To David and his descendants forevermore.”

Psalm 144
A Psalm of David.

Blessed be the LORD my Rock, Who trains my hands for war, And my fingers for battle. My lovingkindness and my fortress, My high tower and my deliverer, My shield and the One in whom I take refuge, Who subdues my people under me. LORD, what is man, that You take knowledge of him? Or the son of man, that You are mindful of him? Man is like a breath; His days are like a passing shadow. Bow down Your heavens, O LORD, and come down; Touch the mountains, and they shall smoke. Flash forth lightning and scatter them; Shoot out Your arrows and destroy them. Stretch out Your hand from above; Rescue me and deliver me out of great waters, From the hand of foreigners, Whose mouth speaks lying words, And whose right hand is a right hand of falsehood. I will sing a new song to You, O God; On a harp of ten strings I will sing praises to You, The One who gives salvation to kings, Who delivers David His servant From the deadly sword. Rescue me and deliver me from the hand of foreigners, Whose mouth speaks lying words, And whose right hand is a right hand of falsehood. That our sons may be as plants grown up in their youth; That our daughters may be as pillars, Sculptured in palace style; That our barns may be full, Supplying all kinds of produce; That our sheep may bring forth thousands And ten thousands in our fields; That our oxen may be well laden; That there be no breaking in or going out; That there be no outcry in our streets. Happy are the people who are in such a state; Happy are the people whose God is the LORD!

Maker

2007-06-29T18:19:00.000-07:00

My maker
He came when i was broken
My life heading for destruction
So immersed in my own hurt and pain
I wanted revenge with my own hands

My maker
He came to give me light
He came to rescue me though i had repeated disobeyed Him
He knew my sufferings and offered His shalom
He loved me again and again
Till i have no where to hide

My maker
He will restore to me what was robbed from me
He gave His promise and sealed with His precious blood

My maker
He has made me hopeful
He has made me strong

My maker
He has repaired this house
He has adorned me with precious jewels
He has anointed me with oil
He has marked me for success

My maker
Perfecting me each day
Never letting go, never giving up
Even when i make mistakes
He came and hugged me
Saying, it is alright
Don't give up cos i never give up on you

My maker
So glorious and majestic
Name above every other names
Maker of all things
Authority in heaven and earth

My maker
Shaping me, more and more like Him
Ever so gentle
Because i am a child of His

special sunday

2007-06-29T04:02:00.000-07:00

last sunday i was serving in Church in the morning; 1st and 2nd service
i contemplated going either for the 3rd or 4th service or home
i had promised lunch with a friend, thus was left with choice of 4th service
was feeling very weary indeed on that sunday
so i decided to stay further for some spiritual food than go home for physical rest
i wanted REST in my soul
God is so good! again!
His special anointing was on 4th service.
maybe because i was there and He knew i so needed it : )
once again i was so touched by His presence...
words simply cannot describe the comfort, assurance, love, gratefulness that was in my heart
i poured out my heart to my Lord, my God and He heard me
and He delivered me
again my circumstances has not changed
but somehow i felt confident. delivered.
Ps Prince said he saw 'properties falling' i think ppl has been believing for houses..
i thought to myself...why not? and i seized the moment
my heart cried out to God 'i want one too'
God heard me. i seems that He is happy that i asked of Him
immediately i had this overwhelming feeling of gratefulness for i know that He will give me a property.
that sunday was not special because of the property but because I came face to face with God once again in an extremely special way. The anointing was so strong it left me weak and trembling.
having said all these. i want the world to know that He is a very very good God.
He has never failed me. in my times of desperation, He always give me triumph.
who am i? whom He chose to pour out His love and blessings
I am so humbled with His extravagant ways with me.

when You tell me that You love me

2007-06-17T00:06:00.000-07:00

i never know Diana Ross is a christian.
this song attracted me so much.
one of the songs that ministered to me when i was down and out a few years ago.
whenever i face trials now. i am reminded. i desire to listen to it until my weariness disappears.

I wanna call the stars
Down from the sky
I wanna live a day
That never dies
I wanna change the world
Only for you
All the impossible
I wanna do

I wanna hold you close
Under the rain
I wanna kiss your smile
And feel the pain
I know what's beautiful
Looking at you
In a world of lies
You are the truth

And baby
Everytime you touch me
I become a hero
I'll make you safe
No matter where you are
And bring you
Everything you ask for
Nothing is above me
I'm shining like a candle in the dark
When you tell me that you love me

I wanna make you see
Just what I was
Show you the loneliness
And what it does
You walked into my life
To stop my tears
Everything's easy now
I have you here

And baby
Everytime you touch me
I become a hero
I'll make you safe
No matter where you are
And bring you
Everything you ask for
Nothing is above me
I'm shining like a candle in the dark
When you tell me that you love me

In a world without you
I would always hunger
All I need is your love to make me stronger

And baby
Everytime you touch me
I become a hero
I'll make you safe
No matter where you are
And bring you
Everything you ask for
Nothing is above me
I'm shining like a candle in the dark
When you tell me that you love me

You love me
When you tell me that you love me ~Diana Ross:

i am a private person living in a public life

when i walk out on stage. the pain disappears

it's the audience. their incredible energy

takes it all away

it's a phenomenon. a state of grace

a blessing from God

i'm ready

What an adventure!

2007-06-14T09:01:00.000-07:00

something exciting happened at work
i nearly got into deep shit
but thank God for favour and protection
i converted a muslim teenager
she is a resident at a muslim home for children at risk
one day the staff and counsellor from the home visited
they saw the holy bible i gave the girl
they naturally got into a rage...you can imagine how tense and hostile the situation is
the culprit was found and i was called to face the fire
many thoughts raced through my mind immediately...
what's the worse case senario? probably lose my job.
with that settled, i went to face my GIANT
I apologised, apologised and apologised
well, what more can i say. acted blur and said simply wanted to give her some reading materials.
they seemed appeased that i wasn't disrespectful and obligingly toke the bible back.
they dropped the bible like hot potatoes into my hands.
thankfully they didnt pursue the matter further.
the matter was soon forgotten. i hope!
Phew.

Focus

2007-06-12T06:52:00.000-07:00

probably alot of things has happened recently that got me distracted
my work, my family, my career development, my achievements, my finances, etc
pass weeks i felt so dry. been praying for answers....
but answers to what?? dunno...
well, no answers came. actually there is. but not really an answer really....
God said. Focus on what i say to you. I love you.
tada. as good as no answer right!
but strangely. it did helped. though situation remained the same.
i found new strength and endurance in the midst of my trialssssss

Everytime You touch me i become a hero
I'm shinning like a candle in the dark when You tell me that You love me

Had a dream last night. in the dream was a song.
worship Jesus, worship Jesus
the rest of the lyrics are forgotten.

Second chance?

2007-05-11T03:32:00.000-07:00

one thing that really touches me about our Lord...
is his undying persistency and his passion in fixing broken things.
He loves ugly and imperfect things which the world despise and frown upon.
He loves restoring broken things which the world sees as useless.
And His finished work is much more glorious and beautiful than it was before!
One day a 19 year old girl asked me. She is a believer.
She said: do i deserve a second chance?
i nearly teared. but i refrained myself.
Ofcourse you do!! more than that. a third, a fourth, a fifth, infinity.
amongst other things, i said 'you can be angry with God, its ok'
really. was her immediate response
i can see her eyes lit up. all these while, she has been struggling
struggling to put up with a religious front and knowing she is falling so short
she felt condemned. and angry. angry with God for allow things to happen this way.
yet she cannot be angry with God because He is God.
God is good. if you can release even that anger to Him He'll turn things around
and make even your enemies be at peace with you.
i hate it when people put God into a box and fit Him into their description.
they have no idea how much damage it will do to hurting people.
no one can judge except for Jesus. and good news is He has not come to condemn you.
but to save you. isnt He wonderful!

compassion

2007-05-07T07:06:00.000-07:00

when i see the people i love struggling in life, areas of lack
especially my own family. whom i have to face daily. i always have this though...
what is wrong with them. why are they so blinded. why do they allow themselves to be in this misery. why can't they accept Jesus into their lives and allow Jesus to work in them.
I am not Jesus! I cannot fill that emptiness in them. I cannot transform them.
really no one else can rescue them except by the love of Christ.
i hate it when they lean on me for their security, to be their companion. their counsellor. their source of love. their life!
go get a life!!! my mind screams. i feel so tried and drained from my work and i do just want to rest at home. then they come. demanding my attention, my time.
i cannot understand this behaviour. as i felt that i was independent and seldom 'trouble' people with my wants and wimps. if i can do it so can you! go get a life pls. i have my own life to lead.
me and God. you and God.
i am exhausted from giving. give me a break....i need to receive from Jesus OK.

then one saturday morning 5/5/07...
revealation.....
holy spirit prompted
"you are also like that but you have ME"
then i was brought to rememberance the 'old me'
then it suddenly struck me. i am not independent! i am dependent like any other people.
i can even be annoying to the point of being manipulative in the past
but now my strength is in the Lord. I depend on Him and look to Him instead of man.
when i am sick ...i turn to You for comfort
when i am in a trial...i put my trust in You
when i do not know what to do...i wait for Your answers
I am humbled. It is by His grace i am who i am now.
i have forgotten how helpless and hopeless i was in the past.
i am still helpless and hopeless but i have placed my hope and trust in the Lord.
i have the Lord. and He has graced me with the gift of faith.

a good leader brings people closer to God
have compassion on the lost and serve them
now i can understand why Jesus spend so much time on prayers.

I say it again...DO NOT BE AFRAID

2007-03-16T06:35:00.000-07:00

as i read through my journal...
2005...do not fear
2006...fear not
2007...do not be afraid
then i was asking God, when then i can NOT be afraid? seems like i am not learning not to be afraid...sigh...
one day pastor preached. there are 365 'do not be afraid/fret not/so not worry' in the bible
just enough for one a day! if we were to write our devotions...it would be 'do not be afraid' everyday!
SO i am normal! 2008 will still be do not be afraid for me....

"Do not be afraid for behold good tidings...." a christmas wellwishing sms i got on christmas eve.
this same message (not deleted) popped up in my inbox again sometime in Feb.
strange ya.my phone is definitely not faulty.cos i get other repeated sms too.....
then i ask...why through sms. maybe cos i crave miracles : ) or i am so densed i need to SEE

praying in the spirit

2007-01-26T02:32:00.000-08:00

when God said that praying in tongues can bless me and bless others,
i made a concious effort to pray more.
i deliberately pray more frequently in tongues to a point i ask myself if i overdid it...
because it is a deliberate effort, i felt like 'am i working and not resting?'
then i finally decided that i will pray when i pray and be 'natural'
haha that is a LIE the devil wants us to believe!!
recently Ps Prince preached that praying in tongues is of GRACE
no matter how much you pray, you will not fall under 'works'
what a terrible lie the devil has managed to plant in me!
now i am going to pray with a vengence, the devil is going to regret his initial evil plan.
cos it has backfired and became a blessing instead!

i remembered Ps Mark preached that christian is invincible; that we have the holy spirit in us
i asked God. how/when can i become invincible??
seems that i am busy defending each time the devil attacks. trials after trials. i am trying to regain my balance...

then i was reminded to PUT ON the whole armour of God. put on? means it can be removed ya.
1) the helmet of salvation
2) breastplate of righteousness
3) belt of truth
4) shoes of peace
5) shield of faith
6) sword of the spirit

all these while i have mostly been protecting myself with items 1 to 5.
the devil can't hurt me but but....it means that i am forever subjected to his taunting!
but fret not. i have the sword of the spirit which the devil is afraid of.
how to be invincible?
no prize for the correct answer!
watch out devil. you know not who you are messing with.

2007

2007-01-03T03:13:00.000-08:00

woohoo...its the beginning of a new year!
so exciting. in 2004 i looked forward to 2005
2005 i looked forward to 2006.
2006 i looked forward to 2007.
each year is getting better! seems like there is a season for each year.
the anticipation is growing and i am really excited to wait to see His goodness.
2007 was ushered in with a pleasant surprise...fireworks so close...about 10m?
i was in KL with a friend and was having supper at a mamak store in a quiet neighbourhood
another shop nearby actually displayed fireworks to usher in the new year
i was at the right place at the right time!
no need to squeeze in the crowd
no need to get stuck in traffic jams
i felt so priviledged. my friend said it has never happen in that place before.

this year i determined to read the bible consistently
its something God has placed in my heart but i never gotten around doing it.consistently.
God help me not to be distracted by my fav canto dramas!
....come sit on my lap and I will teach you. I will show you My greatness and splendor...

testimony

2006-12-12T03:44:00.000-08:00

this script was written for 15.05.2005. my water baptism date.
we were supposed to share a testimony before the baptism.

"I accepted Christ 8 years ago. Before I became a Christian, I had many friends who shared Christ with me. In fact two of them were my best friend and also my then boyfriend, who was a catholic. But I never believed and rejected the gospel. I was very resistant. I never had the desire to visit church. Especially after some negative feedback that I got from my two best friends, that Church is boring. They did not enjoy church at all. It was quiet, solemn, and very serious. So what makes them think that I would go with them? No way!

But God is good. He never gave up. By His grace and divine appointment, I met Wyman, a brother-in-Christ. We were classmates and became good friends. I knew that he is a Christian but he never preached to me (which I hated). But he did invite me to church, which I did eventually go. Why and how I accepted Christ was all by God’s grace. Nothing miraculous happened, neither was there any signs nor wonders. But I knew that Jesus is real. I was touched by His presence and His love. There was something stirring in my heart and spirit that made me accept Jesus as my saviour that day.

After I was converted, I did not receive any ‘proper follow-up’, no discipling, no mentoring, only some Christian friends here and there. Therefore I remained a convert and was never truly a follower of Jesus. There really was no one around to inspire or to motivate me. My friend Wyman gave me a bible, that’s about it. I was informed that I need to pray and read the bible. Cool.

I attended church, whenever. Read the bible, whenever. I was a very disobedient child. There was so much guilt and shame.

Again by God’s grace, He led me to another church which has a very strong emphasis on grace. I am really thankful because without this truth, I would have given up hope on myself. But God is faithful; He never gave up on me. Regardless of how disobedient I was, I knew that Jesus loves me.

But that is not enough. I wanted more. I wanted to get myself out of the mess that I allowed myself to be entangled in.

When I came to Melbourne to study 2half years ago, I knew that I must do something to help myself. I was desperate. So I planted myself in OCF. God has been extremely patient and merciful to me. He is so so good. Even better than I can ever imagine. He provided me with so many brothers and sisters because He knows that I am lonely. I know that God’s favour was on me in many situations. My journey here was smooth sailing, with my accommodation, studies, pr application, relationship with family back in Singapore, etc.
God is indeed faithful. He changed my life. I changed 160º. Transformation was supernatural. It all happened when God used a dear sister in Christ, to become a messenger to me; giving me words of knowledge, for a few times.
God said many things to me. But there were a few sentences which really touched me deeply. They are:

“How can I be angry with you? You have your salvation many years ago. I want to help you, but I can’t because you won’t let me. You have been doing it by yourself for too long. You are going to breakdown soon. Please let me help you. Trust me one more time. I am not going to let go until you say yes. I am not going to let go until you say yes. I love you so much”.

I am so flawed, yet God showed so much love, mercy and kindness to me. I was greatly touched by the fact that God is so determined to bring me out of the wilderness, that I finally submitted my life in His hands.

Things began to change, supernaturally, after I made up my mind to forgive the people that God wanted me to and to let go of things that God wanted me to. God is awesome throughout this period.

At one point, HE again used dear sister to encourage me “my child, my child, I am so proud that you are standing here today”. I was reassured I am on the right track. Until one day God spoke to me again, saying “You are fully restored. No more holes, no more leakages, lacking nothing. You are on your own from now on. No more messenger. Holy spirit will be your guide”.
At that time, I was like still struggling, I told God “NO!! I want messenger”
But God is merciful. He guided me along the way and today I know that the God, whom I have fallen in love with, is very proud and happy that I am standing here proclaiming how good He is and how much He loves us.

Now, there is no greater joy now than to do things that pleases my KING!! It’s so good to be alive and serving Jesus.

Thank you for reading."

actually, the baptism date was originally not on 15.5.05.
it was either supposed to be a few weeks before or after
and i believe it is divinely arranged to fall on this blessed day

elaine was a name i gave myself during my teen years
i remembered i called myself Linda, Justine ...and finally Elaine
again it is God's divine doing. preparing me for my destiny...

HE filled my heart with songs of deliverance....

2006-11-30T23:28:00.000-08:00

this is a very beautiful song....

Praise the Lord
When you're up against a struggle
That shatters all your dreams
And your hope has been cruelly crushed
By Satan's manifesting scheme
And you feel the urge within you
To submit to earthly fears
Don't let the faith you're standing in, seem to disappear

Praise the Lord
He can work with those who praise Him,
Praise the Lord
For our God inhabits praise,
Praise the Lord
For the chains that seem to bind you
Serve only to remind you that they drop powerless behind you
When you praise him

Now satan is a liar
And he wants to make us think
That we are paupers
When he knows himself
We're children of the King
So lift up the might shield of faith
For the battle has been won
We know that Jesus Christ has risen
So the work's already done

of recent, pastor has been preaching on praise and worship
then as i reflected...
last year, as i was going through a series of trials. ya i mean a difficult period of time.
i managed to 'survive' by hanging on to the above song.
this year, again when i wanted some answers, God filled me with this song

Still Sing
no need to wait for the sun to shine
no need to wait for the cloud to clear
i'll still sing
no need to wait for the sun to shine
no need to wait for the cloud to clear
i'll still sing
i'll praise You
You're for me
i'll praise You
Yes, You love me
i'll praise You
You are faithful
i'll praise You
You'll see me through

how on earth by praising HIM will make everything right?
i still don't know! after all that preaching : )
but i do know it works!!

You are my hiding place
You always fill my heart
with songs of deliverence
whenever i am afraid
I will trust in You
I will trust in You
Let the weak say i am strong
In the strength of my Lord.....

best gift ever

2006-11-19T06:18:00.000-08:00

Before the world began
You were on His mind
And every tear you cry
Is precious in His eyes
Because of His great love
He gave His only Son
Everything was done
So you would come

Nothing you can do
Could make Him love you more
And nothing that you've done
Could make Him close the door
Because of His great love
He gave His only Son
Everything was done
So you would come

Come to the Father
Though your gift is small
Broken hearts, broken lives
He will take them all
The power of the Word
The power of His blood
Everything was done
So you would come

this is our song. you know, usually couples have the 'our song'
this is daddy's and my song.
this song always hold special place in my heart.
this is the song which captivated my heart many years back.
the song which burned my heart and put tears in my eyes.
the song which changed my life forever.
the song which moved me to accept Jesus as my saviour.
i can vividly remember even after such a long time...
this song. but nothing of the sermon that the pastor had preached that day.
His great love drew me.
His great love gave me hope.
His great love restored my broken heart
His great love continues to change my life
from glory to glory

checking in with Jesus

2006-11-07T04:22:00.000-08:00

recently went for a short retreat with Jesus.
alone with Him in a local hotel for 2 nights.
has some goals set out to acheive.
in the end, i think i indulged myself more than seeking God, which was my original plan.
nevertheless i had great rest and quiet.
smile. i actually wanted a miracle. a quick fix.
but as i departed, God reminded me i have to seek Him daily.
and continually seek Him for those answers that i desire.
He will surely show me. NO quick fix this time.
He wants me to live from blessing to blessing.
not a miracle to rescue me all the time.
there is something i need to learn. am still learning. but but...
no buts. just obey and see Me work.

2006-11-07T04:17:00.000-08:00

be strong my child.
do not be afraid.
do not give up.
press on.
I am here with you.
trust me.
everything will be alright.

what stress did to me

2006-11-06T06:20:00.000-08:00

its subtle. it grows unknowingly to me.well, maybe its denial, maybe i choose to ignore it. but i very innocently fell into its snare. work stress. family stress. adjustment stress. for a long period. many months. my appettite fluctuated. my ability to concentrate and alertness decreases. my body lethagic. no matter how much i sleep it always seems not enough. 8 hours a day is not sufficient to keep me energetic during the day. i start to get tired during mid day. after lunch my body seems to want to breakdown on me. i though i had bad digestive system. i thought maybe i had diabetics or liver or kidney failure. cos my body felt exhausted. feeling of 'breaking down'. then i tell myself. its not possible. i should be healthy. why am i feeling this way? i was extremely frustrated. trying to figure out the cause. finally i decided maybe i should get a comprehensive body check done. maybe God will heal me through doctors or maybe i needed to know i have a diagnosis. THEN i realised all these are actually stress induced symtoms! Thank God i have not gone for the check up for it cost over $300!!!! after much wrestling with dear Father, i have no choice but to submit all my cares unto Him as He commanded me to. IMMEDIATELY i became well. all those 'liver failure' 'kidney failure' symtoms i originally thought it was left me. lol i have learnt my lesson the hard way. but the process was a blessing for it taught me many lessons on healing and health.

ha several years ago i had symtoms like 'heart attack' i will suddenly get sharp pain in my chest and difficulty in breathing. that was stress too. and at last. the famous 'headache'. was very prone to that. sometimes have headache so bad that i have to pop two panadol and lie on the bed; any motion will cause me further agony. sometimes the pain so intense i thought my head will burst like a bubble. sounds like what a doctor would term as migrain. recently i had a colleague who fainted at work due to servere headache. the pain was so intense that she fainted in her room and was subsequently warded. I thank God for protecting and preserving me all these while. about three weeks ago i had a dream. in the dream i saw a hand touching my head. gently pressing the palm on my head and moving from left to right. then the palm touched a spot which was painful. and the palm stayed on that spot, massaging it. it felt so comfortable. in the dream i was also praying in tongues. also other things in the dream but cannot really recall. this dream is like God telling me he has healed my headaches. thank you daddy. i feel so so priviledged to be so loved by You.

smile

2006-10-05T22:32:00.000-07:00

stumbled upon this today...

Listen to 2 Corinthians 4:17–18 http://www.darlenezschech.com

‘For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.’

Keeping trials in life in perspective is one of the great secrets of life… and learning to lay hold of God until you have received the victory is another. In our quick fix age, we are not good at truly being insistent when it comes to seeing the promises of God being revealed in our lives.

When the psalmist says in verse 12.. ’You are the King from long ago, You bring salvation to the earth’… well this is a powerful turning point in the text. To remember the past miracles of grace that we have experienced again and again, you begin to realise that our all powerful Lord WILL continue to deliver us from evil, no matter how overwhelming it seems at the time. It is the Lord who has done it all….and the word refers to vast evils as various dragons confronting us from the pit of hell, but read the word… the Lord has delivered us from them all.

The psalmist starts reminding God about His former victories over the many elements faced in life... Arise O God… He is reminded of the congregation, all of the individuals who are at risk…. And continues with great stories of Jehovah’s miraculous power. Even the lands and the seas receive their boundaries from Him… and as we are experiencing at the moment…. it may have been winter, but spring is on the way!!

The last stanza of the psalm asks for the oppressed to be able to return to their land with their heads held high. As you know, the Lord has always honoured the poor, the broken and the oppressed… and will ever tend to them with absolute grace and the greatest dignity, the psalmist is so passionate about the cause of these people, and we should always take our cue from this heart decision. On your way to victory, never forget those who were broken in the battle……

And finally, the longing is clear here, that the Lord Himself would take centre stage on the battle field, ultimately triumphing over all, putting the dragon to death once and for all…That when the righteous are persecuted and innocent blood is yet again spilled, that we realise that ultimate judgment will be executed, and that the Lord will have the final say.

Well, we never said this journey was for the faint hearted….be brave, full of faith, full of grace, full of kindness….. and when being ridiculed on the battlefield… learn to lay hold of God until you are confident you have been heard. The journey of faith… what a ride!! Love you all so
xxxxx Darls

tantrum

2006-10-05T09:33:00.001-07:00

not too long ago i was praying to know God's love more deeply. today as i stand before Him, i didn't feel like praising Him, i refused to praise Him. i am tired. i wanted answers like NOW. i wanted to happen My way. i am quite angry with God actually. fustrated with myself. idiot me. sometimes it is simply too tempting to want to throw in the towel and tell God. that's it. i am giving up. when pressure sets in, going get tough, temptations coming your way. indeed i like what apostle paul said to boast of His love for us and nothing of ourself as our flesh is very weak. not even our love for Him. so apt huh. i knew i am weak. but i never imagined that i can be that weak now, after all that has happened. tasted His good and can even have the tiniest thought to give it all up. its so sacry. thank God even when i am faithless, He remains faithful to me. He has reminded me it is indeed not my love for Him but His love for me that is important. for only His love for me will sustain me in times of need. remember remember that i love you with an ever lasting love. tonight he again bring to mind things He has said to me in the past. firstly he encouraged me even when i did nothing significant 'my child i am so proud of you' i was like...Lord you are proud of me? really very humbling experience. now i realised His intention. He knew i needed it to grow. the affirmation. a demonstration of His love. throughout the sermon tonight its as though He is reminding me of all the things He has said to me before. the rhema words he has spoken to my heart. smile. isn't God sweet. for the many mistakes that i make and one right that i do, He still will praise me and is proud of me. lol. He knew i will still make mistakes. yet when He told me 'it's ok to make mistakes, holy spirit will guide you back to God' for that moment i kindda felt insulted. what do u mean Lord!? i shall be careful. i will try not to make mistakes. i will listen to you. no more mistakes. i am determined not to repeat mistakes. but now i realised. there are times i didn't feel like listening! i simply cannot trust my own flesh! but God is so so good. His help is always timely. by the end of the night i am able to praise Him again. because of His love for me. continually wooing me. not relenting. it feels so reassuring and good to know that daddy God never never gives up on me. and i can be bold, make mistakes, take chances, knowing that He'll make everything to work out well for me. Praise the Lord forever and ever. amen.

letter to me

2006-09-27T03:55:00.000-07:00

halo!

decided to write to you a letter cos time flies and none of us know what will happen tomorrow. really want to let you know what i want you to know before i forget. as you know. i am a forgetful person. : )

looking back now. we only know each other for 2 years 9 months. a bit short but to our surprise, we act and know as if we have been friends for long.

TQ for bearing with me esp my talking nonsense attitude. you really make me think more with your profound thoughts or questions in times.

but also through you, i seen how loving our Father is. it's not by the messages that i had passed to you but through the persistency that our Father have. His helps and wisdoms really arrives on time. i can't see it much clearer except through your experiences. you are indeed very blessed and i am sure you know it.

honestly. i really don't know much about your background and past. sometimes, i'm really kepoh and want to ask. but many times, He reminded me that it's not important. what is important is that how you are faithfully seeking Him. something i should learn from you. at the end of the day, it is the process and results that matters. not the beginning or past.

i really think both of us are similar. although we are not identical, but we both have our fair share of stubbornness and problems in submission to Him. so, all this while our message from Him is almost like for each other.

elaine, i know that we both know that we are weak in flesh and still in the journey learning to follow Him. please do not give up in times. we can rest in Him when we are tired but we can't give up.

although our problems seem to be great, but He in us is greater than he who is in the world. since you have discover your problems and cause of stress. i really hope you will be able to find the 'rest day' in Him once again. what i see in Elaine Tan is a person that mature and never give up easily. another thing i have to learn from you. your passion to follow Him indeed a testimony and encouragement to me all these while.

i like to be told off by you in times cos i know you mean well for me and you know what is best for me. a great reminder in times of me being stuck in my own world of ignorance. thank again for being such a great sis to me.TQ for your honesty and trust and the friendship.

elaine, i truly believe what you are going through now will bring you a new level of breakthrough that will please and glorify Him. you are a blessing to people around you and you will be someone bigger in His Kingdom. He's not a person who put us in stagnant mode.

Jiayou! face it! you can do it! : )

@-@

thank you sis. thank you for the letter. it will always be a reminder to me. very encouraging.

profound wisdom from a non-believer

2006-09-26T02:29:00.000-07:00

you need to be stable before you can save a drowning person. imagine if you are barely floating. a struggling person will easily pull you down and drown you.

the knowledge you get from books are not always applicable in the working environment. in fact the things you learnt during the course of study is very applicable to life. eg the invigilator always will say: attempt the questions that you know first. skip the ones that you don't know. come back to them later after doing all the ones you know. translate to: in life there may be many struggles. not all problems can be solved at one point. do not focus on one issue that you neglect the rest of the important things in life. it is not worth it.

in work there may be many tasks and you need to pioritise what is important and do not be stressed out too much. and some problems may not have a solution immediately. i now understand the chinese parable 'when the boat reach the harbour it will straighten out naturally' i have observed. situation changes. people changes. what seems so difficult today may be resolved the next. or becomes simplier that it is managable. do not dwell on the problem. move on to do other things first.

when you least expected it, it comes. when you place little emphasis, no attention to it, it comes. when you struggle to seek it, it just don't happen. i have learnt to let nature takes it course.

i observed that my boss is always very calm and not stressed even by mistakes and obstacles. even if one method does not work, he'll calmly says try it. knowing it may not work. continue to persist but not to insist. solution comes. knowing that situation can change.

always maintain a healthy stress level in life. my question: isnt it not healthy to be stressed all the time? explanation. a person who exercises regularly has no problem doing a 10km. however, a person who never exercises, will have a hard time with 10km. it means, do not be lazy. need to be consistent to maintain. eg if you start to be comfortable in your work, learn something new. increase the stress level again. whenever you get comfortable with the tasks on hand, take on new challenges. continue to improve. do not be lazy.

wow. this person has changed so much since the last time i saw him 5 years ago. and all these learnt from observation and own reflections and thinking. amazing.

singapore dreaming

2006-09-15T09:35:00.000-07:00

a singapore production a movie of singapore reality. everythings so familiar. how people behave. how people live their lifes. how relationships breakdown. how people value themselves. how people can be so blinded. so many HOWs....then it came the question WHY? why do they do what they did. why do they not realise their mistakes. why things happened the way it did. so many WHYs.

a woman who loses her indentity after marriage. focus and energy on the family. forgetting what she used to like or do. her world revolves around spouse and children. neglecting herself. and worse still! does not even realise it is all SO wrong. until something went wrong.

a girlfriend who spent her life savings to support her boyfriend's overseas education. wasting her youth and money on a sooo apparent loser boyfriend who only knows to run away when faced with challenges and blames the world for everything and refusing to accept responsibility.

a father who is chasing after the 5 Cs. cash. credit card. condo. car. country club membership. and finally met the 6th C. coffin. chasing after wind indeed.

a daughter who has low self esteem, insecure and always wanting to prove herself to gain approval from her parents who favoured the brother. almost ended her marriage in shambles because of unresolved past hurts and pain.

i hear it at my work place everyday. i witness it in the patients i work with. i see it happening in my own family. i see it happening with my friends. what's the solution then? .....

changed

2006-09-09T07:33:00.000-07:00

for a while i thought the city has changed
for a while after i returned from melbourne,
i thought wow....its only been for a while but so
much has changed.
later did i realised that it is me that has changed.
God has opened up my eyes to see
opened up my heart to feel
gave me understanding and knowing
the city has not changed much
its me that God has changed
thank You lord
i pray to know the depth of Your love more each day

REMEMBER

2006-08-06T07:35:00.000-07:00

remember
remember
remember what Lord?
remember remember...
you may not see what i am doing
you may never understand the ways I work
but remember that I love you
I want you to cast all your cares upon ME
it is a commandment
remember that I love you
--------------------------------------------
rooted in love
thats the way I want you to be
only then will you be able to stand the wiles of the devil
rooted in love
to grow tall and strong
bearing good fruits
--------------------------------------------

LOVE

2006-07-20T08:09:00.000-07:00

Mighty to Save...another experience at Hillsongs
the breakthrough i wanted..
the WooOO that i expected did not happen
smile.
but God is good.
series of small things happened to show me He is in control
the 'problem' is not Him nor His timing
then what is it??
it is ME the human ofcos!
i am afraid that i will fail Him
i will fail to be what He wanted me to be,
what He planned for me to do
i fear to fail to achieve my destiny..
and God says..it's NOT my business to worry!
not by might, not by power, but by my spirit says the Lord
all i need to 'do' is to enjoy Him and leave the rest to Him
He has His plans and He will cause it to come to pass
not by my works will i achieve anything
not by my efforts will i bring my own success
only by His amazing grace will i fulfill His calling
believe me! trust me! be patient! you do not need to know everything!
remember that I love you! establish yourself in my love!
perfect love cast out all fear
and i will soar with You, Your spirit leads me on
by the power of your love!
thank you Lord. everytime i fail, your grace much more abounded!
step aside devil!
For NO weapons formed against me shall prosper.

discouraged

2006-06-27T06:20:00.000-07:00

this is a season of wait
to be still
to be trusting
to be patient
when i least expected it...i heard His voice
'no need to wait for the sun to shine
no need to wait for the cloud to clear
i'll still sing
no need to wait for the sun to shine
no need to wait for the cloud to clear
i'll still sing
i'll praise You
You're for me
i'll praise You
Yes, You love me
i'll praise You
You are faithful
i'll praise You
You'll see me through'
a song He put on my mouth
how on earth by praising HIM will make everything right?
only God knows ya
then on sunday...
pastor preached
to those who are discouraged
God says focus on 'the man' and you'll get your world right

Oh Lord.............................................

2006-04-25T21:33:00.000-07:00

...........................................................................
.................................
thank you always clear up the mess i made
why do people question your goodness?

blessed 2006

2006-04-14T07:46:00.000-07:00

its the time again to celebrate Jesus
how i miss easter camp...
how i miss the fellowship
how i miss you people
how i miss the praise and worship sessions
how i miss you people whom has given me love
thank you Lord for these heart warming memories
thank you Lord for working a miracle in my life
not looking back but straining forward to those things which are ahead...

May God's plan for your life be fulfilled in this coming year!
The Lord will cause the former and latter rain to fall upon
you that you will be blessed in every area of your life!
May 2006 be a year where we see God's goodness!
this well wishing message i received from a brother during the New Year
during the past months, there were times i felt so dry...i needed encouragement
from God.
you know what happened!?
i received the above message on two seperate occasions again
twice when i was questioning God and requesting for an answer..
yea God answered my prayers. not to know what will happen but to trust in HIM
that good things will happen.
Praise the Lord

Big Tall Strong Tree.

2006-04-08T00:24:00.000-07:00

i have been asking God what are his plans for me...
what does He want me to do...
He reminded me that I am like a very very big tall strong tree...
a tree which poeple come and find rest and shade
i dislike being a tree.
i want to be that egg, that is nutritious
or that beautiful tower that people look up to and admire
or that spider that is able to weave beautiful webs
a tree is so ordinary...................

preach the WORD?

2006-02-24T18:26:00.000-08:00

the WORD
what is the WORD?
preach the gospel, the good news
what is good news?
for so long i have heard that God loves me
i know He loves me
but i only know
i dare not believe it's true
i cannot understand how He can love someone so sinful
some people say God punishes
some people say God will get angry
some people say God will teach u a lesson
some people say God is pleased if u are obedient
some people say God leaves u when u sin and
'return' when u repent and confess your sin
some people say God wants u to do good
some people say God forgives u, but there are unpardonable sins?
when i heard the good news that God loves me and forgives all my sins
HE came to save me from destruction, i was glad for a moment
until i heard other preachings which contradicts what i wanted so much to believe
it gave me confusion and fear
i never believed God loves me
but God is faithful. He sets out to finish what He has started in my life
i may not know the bible from cover to cover
but one thing i know. i was once blind and now i see
i see God's heart for me. i believe He loves me
i believe He will always love me.
even when i fail Him, He will never fail me
the truth has dropped in my heart
no longer is it a head knowlwdge
He has made me gald and i say of the Lord
You are my strength, my shield, my refuge, my shelter in time of need
good news make u glad and it does not add burden

Jesus Rocks!!

2005-12-02T20:12:00.000-08:00

JESUS R.O.C.K.S
what i let go to HIM
HE returns it to me double...and much more..
the hokkien goes....jiak buay liao manz.
i am so grateful for i do not deserve such kindness
realising it is not how good i am, but how good He is
each time i fail, i learn to depend on Him more
the ME getting smaller and the HIM growing in me
thank you Lord.

time management?

2005-11-25T19:24:00.000-08:00

i have been taught that there is no such thing as TIME management
what great wisdom
indeed i have learnt there is aways not enough time for everything
infact it is not a matter of time...
it is a matter of priority
priority management is the key
mmm

lazy bones....

2005-11-07T00:38:00.000-08:00

k gonna make this painless...
been wanting to update my bloggie...but
lOOk at this 'mini essay's' title
will try to compress all i've been wanting to share
many-in-one
whatever random that comes to mind...

i've been having wierd, scary, and some doesnt make sense dreams
i love all these dreams IF only they are meant to communicate
something, from God
i do get some dreams which is influenced by devil. Pisszzz
anywayz...
remember my beloved monkeys??
for those who are confused. i have two TOY monkeys, as in stuffed toys
in one dream, i dreamt that my bigger monkey turned evil
it was horrible. i remembered how wicked it was
i woke up in fear and unease, in the wee hours, and behold
i stared right in the face of my monkey.
since then, for the next few days, i deliberated whether to junk away my precious monkey
i prayed hard, i prayed soft...lol...jesting only ya
i mean i prayed fervently
Q: what can/should i do with my monkey?
that 2? 3? 4? days seems like eternity
THEN
i had another dream.
an answer to my prayers
again i saw my evil monkey...
suddenly waves....hugh waves came and 'drowned' my monkey
my monkey reappeared all drenched and its countenence changed
it regained its cutesy adorable kind look
end of dream.

another dream...this is a really cool one i think
i was lying back down, an evil spirit on top of me
holding me down, i felt suffocated, oppressed.
i was sandwiched. i can't move. no way of escape.
i do not know what to do.
i remember a sense of helplessness.
like. shit. i can't breathe. what to do. what to do.
my mind only thinking about "how now?"
suddenly. my mouth moved. in its own accord!
in a spilt second i realised i was praying in tongues
immediately. yes. immediately the oppressed feeling was lifted
i am still staring right in the face of the evil spirit (inches away) but
it can no longer harm me
end of dream

another one. this is a wierd one.
i dreamt of many words. many many words
but i can only remember one word.
spirit.
holy spirit.

water = word of God
i remembered that God told me once
no matter what situation i may face, use HIS words to
cover the situation. i have the keys to the kingdom of heaven.
that is HIS words.
holy spirit = answered prayers
God is humourous huh...can be quite frustrating at times...
when you get impatient with an answer
HE gives pieces of information and wants you to meditate on it
i am figuring out what all these means
finally i piecing it altogether....
time for bed.
another dream perhaps

poison ball

2005-10-03T23:12:00.000-07:00

this became a game i play daily with satan
everytime the devil throws a poison ball at me,
i cast it unto the Lord

its been 1.5 months since i returned to Singapore
now i understood why i resisted coming back
i was afraid of playing poison ball with satan
everyday,
i come into contact with negative people
i hear negative news
i hear worries, worries and more worries
the work of the devil is indeed very very subtle!
for a while i was fine....until i began to struggle
to a point where i was paralyzed with fear
what i know in my heart was soon replaced by fear,
as i stopped speaking out my faith
but God is awesome
where i missed the mark most, His grace much more abounded
He has taught me how to defeat the devil
take one day at the time. take no thought of tomorrow
Let not my heart be troubled. focus on one thing at a time
that simple
and most importantly, do not use my own words against myself
there is no power in satan's words
but we, as children of God, as kings and royal priesthood,
the words that we speak is authority and powerful
for a while, i had released negative words against myself
the devil has succeeded in making me believe his lies
that "it is so difficult"
but that is not true. Jesus said "it is not difficult elaine"

imagine a boxer
fighting a tough fight
his face swollen and bleeding
with his last breath, he dealt a deadly blow to his opponent
his opponent fell.
he won, however, was seriously injured
he returned home with the throphy and cash money
his wife is watching tv and munching chips
he gave his winnings to his wife
he, the boxer is a conqueror
she, the wife is more than a conqueror!

as i continue to confess these truth,
i am beginning to experience His shalom peace more and more
the only 'work' that i need to do is to SPEAK forth His will

roaring lion

2005-10-01T04:56:00.000-07:00

Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.
*think*
*seriously something is wrong*
lion don't go around roaring while looking for someone to devour
they focus, slowly, very quietly, slowly approach his prey and then POUNCE
the prey is dead
only powerless lion roars to instill fear and a false image of superiority
do not allow the defanged lion to "gum" you to death
lol. this is so funny. gum to death.

strange dream

2005-09-15T23:22:00.000-07:00

i was reaching out at something
appeared like some sort of opening/gap
cockroaches appeared
i withdrew my hand
i was afraid
more cockroaches appeared, crawling out
i reached out again hestitantly, trying to avoid the pest
roaches kept running around
then i saw water slowly flowing out from inside
the roaches seemed to be afraid of the water
the water spreaded, the roaches scurried away, avoiding the water
can someone explain what that means??

evil box

2005-08-23T20:06:00.000-07:00

evil box evil box
i am now sitting infront of it
it is so alluring
it seems harmless
but i spend more and more time on it
people around me loves it
makes it even more difficult for me to ignore it
it's ON in the bedroom, it's ON in the living room
indeed evil company corrupts good habits
aha trying to justify myself huh
O' Lord deliver me from temptations!

God's wife??

2005-08-22T22:40:00.000-07:00

this story has been stucked to my mind..
ever since i heard it preached by Ps Nicole Connor
there was a little boy who went around barefooted
cos his family could not afford a pair of shoes
he was poor, his clothes was filthy, his feet covered with mud and dirt
one day, he came upon this shoe shop
he was staring at the window display at a pair of shoes
he looked at it wistfully....
a lady passed by, talked to him, brought him into the shop
took the shoes which he was admiring,
set him down on the chair,
the little boy was astonished and couldn't believe the act of compassion
the lady went and returned with a pail of water and a piece of cloth
she knelt down and gently wiped his feet clean
she then put on new socks and shoes for the boy and paid the bill
tears started to stream down his cheeks
finally he asked this kind hearted lady
'are you God's wife?'

i asked myself. how can i be a good wife?
i still 'miss the mark' sometimes, rather most of the time!
there are times i felt unworthy and guilty when i give in to desires
but God said. I have chosen you.
nothing. absolutely nothing is able to seperate you from the love of Jesus
i closed my eyes.
i saw myself as a little girl in a white dress, holding my Father's hand
then the scene changed.
now i am a mature adult, dressed in a beautiful white gown with Jesus
smile. a thought came. Jesus will never divorce me.

a reminder for myself.
whenever you feel guilt, you are doubting Jesus's finished work on the cross
and that is an insult to HIM!!

SIN City

2005-08-16T00:31:00.000-07:00

updates for the past one week and two days i was back
lol what an irony....
Sin city
it does not represent Singapore
it literally means sin

the plane landed at Changi airport
i was greeted with a totally different environment that
i have gotten used to for the past two & half years
space is limited
everyone is rushing
there is little patience, love and grace everywhere i go
everyone behaved like a 'zoombie'
performing tasks without a purpose
almost everyone is in bondage to something
either false gods, lust, fame, relationships, money...
Singapore is a changed city
the two words SIN CITY kept flashing in my mind

Day one
I was shopping in Orchard rd in the afternoon
toward the evening i was so stressed that i have chest pain
but PTL it only lasted for a while

Day two
went to visit a friend's church
while waiting i was listening to Don Moen
'as we worship you'
as we worship you, let all the world come and see
how the mercy we've received from you
can set them free
as we worship you, let all this joy that fills our hearts
bring a hunger and a hope
to those who've strayed so far
as we bow in adoration and stand in reverent awe.....
as i listened, i wept, i prayed
i was crying for the sinners
i opened the bible
luke 10:2-3
2 Then He said to them: "The harvest truly is great,
but the laborers are few; therefore pray the Lord
of the harvest to send out laborers into His harvest.
3 "Go your way; behold, I send you out as lambs among
wolves.
indeed i do feel like a lamb among wolves!

Day three
bought a new cabinet
did some unpacking and packing

Day four
10 boxes of stuff arrived from Melbourne
more unpacking and packing
had a terrible headache in the evening. stress again
it was so bad that i had to lay in bed and not move
toke two panadols. didnt help
dinner time. i forced myself to eat alittle. was feeling nausea
lay in bed
i had appointment with a bunch of friends in an hours' time
shucks. i felt too sick to go. but i really wanted to go.
i prayed. i laid hands on myself. i prayed in tongue
i rested for a while. i felt alittle better
i took a bath and miraculously i felt 'normal' after
my appetite and energy returned!
Jesus rocks ya!

Day five onwards...
CANNOT remember!

God is with me for sure
For i received favour wherever i go
Isaiah 62: Assurance of deliverance!!

its not God's fault

2005-07-26T01:48:00.000-07:00

thank you sis for reminding me....
God did not create them this way
Indeed man was created perfect
fine! i shall put the blame on adam & eve then!! lol
i know. stupid satan. causes man to sin
hisss he should be my target of anger
get back to the pits of hell where you belong SATAN
lalalalalalalala you not gonna get me
lalalalalalalala you loser
Jesus gonna handle this
nothing i can do anyway...i totally gave up

HOTHOTHOT

2005-07-21T17:25:00.000-07:00

really don't understand some people
really don't understand why God create them this way!
Arggg...it is so annoying
i was so tempted to give it all up
i was so tempted to throw a temper
to simply insist on my RIGHTS...solve all the problems
BUT BUT BUT
a servant has no rights!! WHAT
John 13:1 says
He loved them to the end
OH God help me PLEASE
help me keep my cool

ON Eagles Wings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-07-20T00:33:00.000-07:00

Rise Eagle Christians!
In this age of darkness, fear and despair,
your people, your country, desperately need men and women of
vision, faith, courage, integrity, tenacity, dependability,
power and love
Seize the day!
Dare to be different
Dare to rise above the mediocrity of the crowd
Dare to soar to new heights
Dare to 'go against the flow' of life
Dare to make your life really count for something
Rise to the heights God intended for you
Refuse to take your best talents and gifts to the grave with you
To really live is rare
Most people are content merely to exist!
Life on wings is exciting!
Life on wings means to come alive
Life on wings is to live your life as an adventure of faith
Look towards the clouds, for soon He will soar from above
Look up your redemption draws nigh
Come fly Eagle Christian
Come fly with your Heavenly Father

.....................................................Col Stringer

Don't be a 'chicken' eagle
spending your time with chickens (Oh man!! Faintz)
on the ground, scratching dirt and pecking worms
SOAR................................

what step next??

2005-07-19T15:13:00.000-07:00

it is a step of faith
believing that it is the best step
trusting that all things work together for good to those who love God.
reluctant i may be
but God is good, all the time
He has prepared the way
He has caused things to happen
surprises after surprises, more surprises
always so gentle and patient
captivating me evermore into His everlasting love
indeed something worth me lying my life down for
my KING

A funny lesson

2005-07-10T18:10:00.000-07:00

the question
Who have tried to pray for healing for others and find that your prayer never works?

hands were raised
i was still deliberating....

the invitation came
ONLY to those who raised their hands,
I want you to come forward and the gift of healing will be prayed over you now.

too late....
my heart sank
i wasn't one of 'those' who raised their hands
i wanted to kick myself
i saw some people who didnt raise their hand went forward
a thought came 'should i just go anyway'

the conviction
ONLY those who raised their hands come forward, do not cheat.

i obeyed
i stayed in my seat
still cursing myself as i felt i had missed out on something good
then the Lord spoke
I HAVE SEALED YOU WITH THE HOLY SPIRIT
suddenly i was assured
i only have to operate in faith

Little Light

2005-07-07T07:34:00.000-07:00

the candle flickers in the darkness
it produces some warmth and light to its surrounding
and breeze came
it flickers, fighting for life
a strong wind came
quenching the flame
darkness hovered over the candle

the 2000 mega watt light bulb
secure and connected to its source
dazzling to the world
independent of its surrounding
drawing energy from its source
never looses power if plugged-in & switched ON
light overpowered darkness
the energy is infinite
the source never runs dry
you can draw as much as you desire
a higher wattage produces a brighter light

everyone knows light when they see light
light don't have to scream I AM LIGHT
light only have to be light

reflection

2005-06-20T17:00:00.000-07:00

what is humility?
I was reminded the time when i was so desperate for help
I was in the public
But every cell in my being is screaming for help
I looked around....no one in sight
I knelt down and prayed for deliverance
I finished, opened my eyes, stood up..
and lo and behold
a group of people walking in my direction
embarassed I am
But that does not matter
My King finds delight in me

what is faith?
I was reminded the time i went with my father to the doctor
my father had a condition in his ear
the doctor said there is no cure
we can prevent it from getting worse
we can minimise the discomfort
he will have to learn to live with it
i rejected that in Jesus's name!
i told the doctor 'My God will heal him'
the doctor looked at me with disbelief and pity in his eyes
i was furious
i declared 'Yes HE will'
nothing more i can say
i can only depend on Jesus to defend me
we left the doctor's room
i wept in the toilet
Jesus comforted me
i know He will work miracles in my life

Joy

2005-06-20T16:39:00.000-07:00

I praise my God
my heart so full of joy
i wanna sing
i wanna dance
i wanna sing
i wanna dance
persecutions coming my way
mountains obstructing my path
BUT Jesus shall deliver me
i remain quiet, facing my accusers
i have nothing in my flesh to defend my honor
i Rest
i rest in His loving kindness
FOR He will defend me
He shall clothe me with His righteousness
He shall exalt me to show that He IS God
Praise the Lord

the Deadly Mixture

2005-06-15T00:35:00.000-07:00

"I know your works, that you are neither cold nor hot. I could wish you were cold or hot. So then, because you are lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will vomit you out of My mouth" NKJV REV 3:16

"I know you inside and out, and find little to my liking. You're not cold, you're not hot--far better to be either cold or hot! You're stale. You're stagnant. You make me want to vomit" The Message

For a while i struggled with this verse
I have heard people telling me 'it is not good to be a lukewarm christian'
.....God does not like that...you make Him angry... OOps
to be a HOT christian.to be a nominal christian.But not lukewarm?
that does not sit well with what i believe
totally out of character with my loving daddy
it does not make sense too.Why would God rather you be cold than lukewarm?
what does it mean?
that God wants you to be on the hots for Him?
that He will 'vomit you out' if you are lukewarm?
but He also said that it is better to be COLD OR HOT...
quite obvious not a MIXTURE
Finally i realised the truth
it refers to the old and new covenant
it refers to SELF righteousness and HIS righteousness
it refers to self effort and grace
indeed HE does not delight in confused believers
For HE has redeemed us from the curse of the law Gal 3:13
For HE said without Me you can do nothing John 15:5
and nothing indeed means NOTHING!!
but there are many people who doesn't really seemed to catch that
'i can do some things myself'
'those that i can't do, i'll submit it to God'
'yea God is good. but i don't think He is interested in such minor things'
Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and become as little
children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven. Matt 18:3
Little children speaks of simple trust.
total dependence on the parent.humility.
Isn't that too good to be true!?
Every single need shall be taken care of.
HIS grace is sufficient.
Is it possible to fall from that GRACE?
Indeed surely, YES. For the bible says:
you have become estranged from Christ, you who attempt to be
justified by law; you have fallen from grace. Gal5:4
WOW...that's the effect of the Deadly mixture!!
Take your pick!
For if the ministry of condemnation had glory,
the ministry of righteousness exceeds much more in glory 2 Cor 3:9

desperado

2005-06-13T07:09:00.000-07:00

Show me Your ways
that i may walk with You
Show me Your ways
i put my hope in You

The cry of my heart is to love You more
to live with the touch of Your hands
Stronger each day, show me Your ways
Stronger each day, show me Your ways

What Went Wrong??

2005-05-30T05:39:00.000-07:00

haha
what went wrong?
why do people not step out and do something for their King?
why do people not want to get invovled in 'things'?
why do people feel so reluctant to try to do new things?
based on a very inspiring conversation
two conclusions were drawn

Point 1: Fear
Fear signifies the lack of courage to attempt
the lack of trust in your King
the lack of faith to perform
fear of not being able
fear of not doing it well
fear of failure
fear of what other may think
fear of making a fool
endless....
but overcoming the fear leads to greater faith
fear not deal with, remains an obstacle for growth
'Fear not, For I AM with you'
good point. silence. but not practical. i am human. someone else can do it better than me.
it's not my calling. maybe. silence. is it only excuses? Dunno.

Point 2: Love
two person makes a relationship possible
King says: i love you
Me says: i know you love me
sometimes it stops here
it becomes a one-sided love affair
the relationship is not complete
until Me says: i love you too
would you listen and obey someone you don't love?
would you spend time with someone you don't love?
would you invest in someone you don't love?
I won't. not sure about you.

My conversation partner said
to have a car is very convenient. i can travel anywhere. i can help others too
but i sold my car. and now i have more time at home
instead of spending two hours to travel somewhere to have a meal
now i cook simple at home which takes only 30mins
i presume he did love his car. it is a sports car
but i believe he love something else more now
mmm....
and he said "you become what you invest your time on"
a finance person will naturally read financial magazines and stuff...
an aspiring singer will train her vocals

what then should the children of Kingdom do?
mmm pretty obvious as to what went wrong....

bOxed IN

2005-05-13T01:40:00.000-07:00

for awhile i was living with unsaid boundaries
boundaries created by the system
may even be by well meaning friends
i guessed that was what the devil wanted
making us ashame of something beautiful
sowing seeds of doubt in our mind
but i have learnt that we need to be an Obedient Rebel
hmmmmm
rebel but obedient!???
yea
that's what the world needs
people who dares to challenge the system
and stand firm in what they believe
to bring radical transformation
I will not give up.....
continue praying and speaking forth HIS will

courtship

2005-05-05T01:15:00.000-07:00

my prince
He wooed me out of wilderness
He continues to shower me with love
He lifts me up when i am down
He kisses away my tears when i weep
He comforts me when i am in dispair
He becomes my target of anger when i am provoked
He becomes my target to vent my frustration
He becomes my strength when i waver
He shields me from my enemies
He protects me from harm
He appears when i lost hope
I am so flawed, yet He calls me the beautiful One
How can i not be moved?
How i hope everyone sees the beauty that i see
it thrills my heart when i see others rejoicing in the same courtship
my heart cries when people do not treasure the courtship
the courtship never ceases
each day i get to know my groom more
each day enjoying His loving kindness
and i tell myself, all these heartache is worth it
i hope that all courtships will bloom and bear fruit
fruit of love, joy, peace, faith and hope

TrialSsssss

2005-05-03T13:11:00.000-07:00

Trials......
one word that most people will hate
it brings hardship, pain, uncertainty, fear....
but for Jesus followers, it is a good thing
it's like the process of refining a rough diamond
i remembered asking God
'i want to grow faster, regardless of how painful it is...'
well, i took HIM seriously, and ofcos HE answers prayers right?...
and we are in 'serious business' now...
lol
so much has happened, i thought i am gonna drown
but God is merciful and gracious
this is only a taste of what is to come....
It already tasted bitter to me now....but God is good...
He is preparing me to take on a greater leap of faith
it is super duper difficult...
it is so tempting to give it all up...
BUT the devil shall not have the last laugh!
The father of all lies was defeated at the cross
and i am going to claim that promise of victory..
YAY

BelOved, listen to ME

2005-04-18T10:16:00.000-07:00

Use the gift
let the flood gate flow
to sanctify yourself
to cleanse and repair the temple
Use it
to bless yourself and others
Let it flow
Let it flow
There is no need to think of any words to speak
Just speak from your heart
Let it flow

so blessed
little messenger spoke again
put a conviction in my heart
of what i have written in "TONGUE"
it is no longer what i believed
it became a command that i should follow
without doubt
A conviction
God is awesome

tOngue

2005-04-16T13:41:00.000-07:00

The tongue
a little member
seems insignificant
but it boasts great things

it is the door
to open up the flood gates
in your life
to push out all the stale and dirty water
until it is overflowing with living water
to repair the temple of God

the ride may seem rough
but as the water flows
it cleanses and remove any unwanted cluttered debris
until it flows and gushes with power

there was a time
i forgot
i allowed the devil to gain foothold
speak is the word
closed doors prevent the living water to flow through!
SPEAK

new lease of life

2005-03-24T01:23:00.000-08:00

The English service was FULL
even the overflow rooms were filled
Oh God, how could that happen?
i was looking forward to attend church
to listen to Ps Prince
but not by chance, i was placed in a Mandarin service
i doubted i could understand the full sermon
but amazingly i did. well, at least my spirit did
it was a small congregation
they were mostly older uncles and aunties
more elderly women i would say (for u to ponder why)
they worshipped God, and i mean worship!
the joy so blatantly written over their faces
the singing and clapping
it was awesome
i was touched, so touched
to see them so zealous for God
so pure and sincere
it was very humbling
i was reminded that God uses the weak to put to shame the mighty things of the world
HE is the great I AM. for what i am not

Mandarin service was fun. nothing too complex
just the simple truth
everyone accepted with faith and conviction
again so humbling to see such beliving hearts

at the end
She raised her hands
stood up and walked to the alter
humbled before the Lord
accepted Jesus as her saviour
She is in her Sixties
She has spent 2/3 of her life lost
but God is merciful
HE came to give life, abundant life!
She knew she was weak, helpless and hopeless maybe
But she made a choice that sunday
a choice that injected a new breathe of life in her
no longer the weak and poor old woman she used to be
Now the precious child of God
someone she can call papa once again
to rely upon and hope of love and provision in all things
knowing that she cannot depend on herself anymore
surrendering everything into HIS hands

The Incredibles

2005-02-20T22:06:00.000-08:00

when i was a 'children'
i see my Father as a superman
One day, He said "I want you to grow up, don't just go around telling other children how great i am. I want you to be able to share mature things...."
Of cos at that time, as a 'children' i was like, what does that supposed to mean?
what am i supposed to do?
so i seek, and i found. asked and was given, knocked and it was opened.
wow! amazing really
now as i continue to learn the 'mature things'
i still see HIM as a superman
nothing changed, He is still the same
but i changed
i am no longer the weak child i used to be
i am growing to be STRONG, like my Father

In the movie THE INCREDIBLES
Elastigirl reminded her two children "IT IS IN YOUR BLOOD"
wow. how powerful is that!

come on friends!
we were ALL created to live a victorious life!
IT IS IN YOUR BLOOD
nothing lesser. unless you chose it otherwise......
Be a beliving beliver!

think about the movie
Dash and Violet was brought up to live like a 'normal person'
they were never allowed to exercise their powers
when the need arises for them to challenge evil
they were skeptical, they lack practice, they lack confidence
they don't understand how much power they actually have!
wow. cos it is in their blood.
well, they defeated evil in the end, so....hahahha

i read this book recently
it quoted
after you accepted Christ, you have a hope
the eternal hope of salvation
but while some people lead fulfilling life after,
some continue to be miserable
what then is the point of being a christian?
lol. the writer wrote 'at least these people have a hope of going to heaven'
they might be miserable but with a eternal hope
is this kind of life worth living?
people have choices right?
but i tell you. it is definitely WORTH it to follow Christ
the time and discipline you spend waiting on HIM
produces fruits of blessings, you really cannot imagine with our puny mind
come on HE owns EVERYTHING on this earth alright
If HE finds favour in you..... wow. just try to imagine...

'BUT seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you' (Matt 6:33 NKJV)
'no prolonged infancies among us, please.' (Eph 4 The message)

Life is a journey, it is better to do it together!
agree? agree! duh......

updates

2005-02-18T00:25:00.000-08:00

greetings to you my friends

valentine's day came and went
while some of my friends were all excited, some were disappointed
obviously those with a lover are excited
and those without are full of self-pity
but for me, it was just another day
no excitement nor self-pity
i have my prince Jesus with me always,
i don't feel the lonliness as frequent now
well, i am alone but not lonely, if it make sense
i enjoy silent and solitude at times

this year is going to be a BIG year for me
if i were to theme last year, it would be 'new beginnings'
this year would be 'multiplications'
i am expecting many good things to happen
strongholds to be broken down,
as i invited God to reign over me
lol, i am serious
this time is different, different from the other times
this time is serious business, don't play play!
something changed. i can't describe to you
but i can truly sing
'lay my life at the alter, everything i give to you alone, Jesus take me now i am yours, here i am'
with a sincere heart, meaning what i say
well, i tell you, many people sing for the sake of singing
if you know what i mean

next week is going to be a challenging week
as i am attending a week of intensive leaders training at Church
it is a time to break out of my comfort zone
i am looking forward to it
learning how to be an effective servant
sharpening the weapons for the good fight
learning to use the weapons with confidence
it is amazing how God works to change me
HE can even use a silly children's cartoon to encourage me
*revealation today* In whatever difficult task i am doing, HE is with me to DO it TOGETHER with me. it is not just helping. helping means help la. doing it together means another thing altogether.
Again, if you know what i mean

so good to be alive and serving Jesus!
Shalom shalom

WINE

2005-02-10T00:50:00.000-08:00

wine speaks of pleasures of the earth
it sounds harmless
a little is ok
does not harm
you tell yourself
i know where to draw the line
i know when to stop
AHA that's a LIE the father of all lies weaved
it's a trap!
a lie so cleverly set up, it fooled many
step by step, very unseemingly
we slipped
we violated the peace
the devil comes to steal when you least expected it

some will then say
What is freedom then?
when we can't do the things we desire
Freedom is ofcourse the ability to do all things
things that we CHOOSE to do to glorify God
freedom comes when we know the truth
and the truth sets us free from ALL bondages
we no longer fear of man, of things, of circumstances
we can do the things we desire WITHOUT worrying
freedom is like the eagle soaring Above the storm
with strength, unflinching, unafraid
mocking the storm with it's power
while others cower under it
then you will be glad that you chose to be an eagle

purpose

2005-02-07T23:20:00.000-08:00

'you will abandon it in a few weeks'
response i got when i shared my blog with a friend
he has one himself
he was excited once
but the novelty wore off
he hardly write now

it was not very encourging to hear
it stirred some thoughts
it finally struck me
he has no purpose for it
but i do!
my blog presents my experiences, thoughts, feelings, ideas
to people around me
to know me more, to be part of my life
but most importantly
it contains the journal of my walk with the Lord
words i hope will bring encouragement to others
it is not all about me, I and myself
it is about us, me and HIM

exhausted...

2005-02-05T02:48:00.000-08:00

it feels good to serve the Lord
exhausted it may be but satisfying
when u see people experience His love
love that overflows from your heart to bless others
they see a difference
they know we have a God
they feel the warmth
they sense the love
but they choose to ignore
unable to embrace the Lord
But HE has His time His way
we never know
miracles happens
it's all worth it
i am working for the Lord

Febuary

2005-02-02T11:45:00.000-08:00

Febuary is supposed to be summer here
but it hit a low of 14 degrees
does that mean it is not summer?
NO! absolutely not. it does not change the fact that it is still
SUMMER time

some things cannot be explained
for example this freaky weather during summer
life brings forth many surprises
unexpected events that throw us offguard
but we have a hope, a hope that brings us through every situation

i received a surprise visit to my blog
i did not know that people 'blog surf'
it was indeed a pleasant surprise
'thank you' to my reader
i did not know i write great poetry
it was God's grace!
all glory to Him

circumstances does not matter
the situation may look bleak
people change, things change,
but His love never change,
despite me changing
my heart understanding of this truth gave me peace
peace that gave me boldness and calmness
what matter is the peace from within
the connectedness with the Holy Spirit
guiding me from within

i don't need someone to hear God for me
He is a jealous God indeed
He wants a personal relationship
not a triangular relationship
He wants to speak to me directly!
He is never far, for He is within me
Am i listening to Him?
Yes i am, for i have the peace within me

still

2005-02-01T14:40:00.000-08:00

it is quiet
nothing is happening
quite confused sometimes
is everything ok, simply a season of rest and doing nothing
OR simply i am not listening to His instructions
O God, what is your will!??
Patience, i kept reminding myself
wait for His perfect timing

was pysically ill for two weeks, on and off
didnt know what is wrong
i ask myself, is it worry?
i am not sure
i know He will provide the best for me
i know he loves me very much
i contiually am concious of His presence and love
i am grateful for His love
people that He brought to give me comfort and love
i ask myself, why are you still sick?
it is not usual to be sick for so long
what is happening!?
i look to Jesus
by His strips i am healed

i also realised that many people has fallen ill
the devil is sickening
why is he robbing us of our health?
ahhaha but we continue to praise HIM our Lord
it drives satan crazy
he is so defeated at the cross

Everything is going to be fine
our hope and faith in His unfailing love
preserverance brings character

Her past...

2005-01-21T15:18:00.000-08:00

She once sailed with grace and pride
was battered by storms and robbed of Her goodness
Her captain tried to steer and guide her
But She didn't know how to let go and let Him guide
Tried as She might to fight the wind and waves
It came thundering over her
Overpowering her efforts to save herself
She shouted and cried for help
He came but She was too blinded to hear nor see

But its true
The Word is true
He never leaves nor forsake her
The captain was never angry
only watched with sadness and grief
as She was not supposed to be in this fallen state
as She allows the environment to devour her

She has lost her spirit, her strength
Once again, Her saviour stood by her
Once again, He reached out to help
refusing to let go
refusing to relent until She listens
refusing to allow His masterpiece go to waste
profusly professing His love for her

Seeing His grace changed everthing
Something She had never fully grasped before was revealed
She can now come boldly to Him
expecting only love and mercy
For She knows the truth, and it set her free

Something changed. Something good happened
But it was unseen. it was supernatural
She was restored to her former glory
No more holes, no more leakages
Lacking nothing
Now sailing once again with grace and beauty
not ashame of the past
for it is an important part of her journey
The past has shaped and mould her to be stronger
stronger in spirit and in truth
no longer afraid of what may come
because perfect love knows no fear!!

My Father's praise

2005-01-18T13:12:00.000-08:00

"My child my child
I am so proud of you
My child my child
I am so proud of you"

I know for sure i was loved
I know for sure i was not alone
I know for sure i was been watched
I know for sure i was doing the right things

Just this sentence is enough
Enough to humble me
Enough to put tears in my eyes
Enough to encourage me to push on
Enough to reassure me of HIS close presence

Just one praise
I felt so special
Just all i need
A reminder of my walk
A gentle push to go on.....