letting go

aha. i guessed this is one thing that is on most people's top 10 list of 'difficult things to do'. we like to dwell on the past. grumble about it. nurse and rehearse it. like a dog licking a wound. Pastor preached on 'letting go' this week. it brought back much sweet memories. not too long ago, i was struggling in this area as well. God cannot help me then, as i was trying to help myself. ie holding on too tightly, that my hands are not open to receive His help. His help came swiftly when i most needed it. "you are going to breakdown soon". well, don't know what it exactly means by 'breakdown' but definitely something bad ya. That was when He showed up to rescue me from the wilderness.

Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old.
Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it?
I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert. Isaiah 43:18-19

the number one thing that God instructed me to do is to forgive some people. i was given a choice to let go of the past and forgive. or continue to hold on the past and allowing all the negative feelings to slowly consume me. i decided to choose the former. i still had enough sense to know danger that was explicitly told to me. 'breaking down soon' i decided it is not too good news. so i unwillingly let go. still not knowing it was truly for my own good. now i fully experience the above verse. played out in my own life. a new thing! many many many many good things has happened since! indeed rivers in the desert. God has been so faithful. even when i did not understand all things, holy spirit helped me and guided me throughout the journey. Holy Spirit was my counsellor and comforter. I was greatly ministered to by the Lord himself. as you already know. i don't talk alot about my personal stuff or share much of my problems and burdens. most of the time i cry out to the Lord. smile. in some ways, my quiet has blessed me.

God gets really angry when He can't bless me. He grabbed hold of me and shoke me to my senses (literally). The abundant blessings He has for me can't flow through when my hands are tight, clenching on to the past. the 'if only' 'who did what' 'why me' 'how can this happen' its all junk that should be cleared away. put into Jesus's loving hands for He can turn all these into something beautiful.