'grow up'

today's sermon in Church shed more light into 'grow up'
Pastor was preaching on why some christians are leading victorious
life while some are not. why some people gets healing, some don't..

well, it lies in one crucial point. in knowing the full truth of the gospel.
the significance of Jesus's death and His work on the cross
some people are saved but if they have not fully understood the
full truth, they still live in areas of lack. nevertheless, they are still saved.
but may not be able to enjoy the 'now life' in abundance.
knowing the truth sets you free.
and only knowing the full truth, can one truly live freely and victoriously.

For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear,
but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father.

some fragments of my memory. for details pls purchase the
CD sermon dated 30.9.07

let me share my experience.
even though i have heard the grace message for a few years..
i still found it difficult to believe that my sins He remember no more.
i continued to have a guilty conscious and dare not boldly approach
God. i felt condemned when i read the bible.
i am not sure how He will react to me. for i know that wrong
doings deserves punishment. furthermore i have heard other
preachers which confused me more. as much as i wanted to believe
the grace message, i struggled and have doubts as they are others
who came opposing it and giving other opinions on losing your
salvation and such. i am hearing mixed messeages. on one hand
fighting to believe the truth and on the other resisting the conflicting
message. there came a point i was burning with the question
'do i have my salvation?' in my mind, if i have 'lost' my salvation,
i would rather give up christianity all together.
following rules and what to do and what not to do is extremely
difficult, if not impossible. then my 'superman' came to my rescue!
HE settled that once and for all. HE said 'how can I be angry with you?
i love you so much. you have your salvation many years ago'
wow that was an out of the world experience.

the truth has liberated me indeed! i felt awkward calling God 'daddy'
once upon a time. but now i feel confident to call HIM Daddy and
firmly established that love bond in my heart.

i once thought that God was angry with me. but lo and behold. NO!
Even the language He used is beautiful. 'how can I be angry with you?'
instead of 'I am not angry'
knowing that God is my father. a loving daddy. and not a disciplinary,
angry God has given me freedom. this is 'grow up'

thoughts....

dear friends,

been some time i last wrote.
much has happened. so much to share about the goodness of my Father.
many precious moments and lessons.

Though the fig tree may not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines;
Though the labor of the olive may fail, and the fields yield no food;
Though the flock may be cut off from the fold, and there be no herd in the stalls-
Yet i will rejoice in the LORD, I will joy in the God of my salvation.
The LORD God is my strength; He will make my feet like deer's feet,
and He will make me walk on my high hills.
Habakkuk 3:17

the above verse resounded in me when i read it, at random.
i sense that God is doing a deep work in me....
drawing me to higher level of faith. learning to trust Him and
know Him more intimately. This verse drew me and warmed my heart.
giving me a quite confidence and assurance. little by little,God is stretching
me, enlarging me

in 2004, i was given a vision.
"i see you as a child, playing in the playground.
you are very close to your father.
you see your father as a superman.
you went around telling other kids how great your father is.
but your father wants you to grow up. it is time for you to grow up.
your father wants you to be able to share mature things with the adults and....."

you know what, i can't recall the rest of it! and it is very percious.
i regret not writting it down. sigh. anywayz. at that point i was like asking,
what does it mean to 'grow up'. growing up spiritually i finally figured.....

last year, i heard Col Stringer shared, many years ago, he was 'spiritually densed'.
and he decided to pray in tongues for 6 hours every day for 3 months.
He received his breakthrough!
i was very inspired. i decided i wanted to try that out.
but the flesh is lazy! i struggled. i forgot.
once i took time out and check in a hotel for my own retreat.
i actually planned to pray unceasingly...but the best i managed was merely
2 hours. but i was still encouraged. because prior to that,
the longest i prayed was about 30 mins. it gave me hope that it is possible
to be like apostle Paul who prayed much

then i made a concious effort to pray in tongues.
i pray when i am sitting on the great white throne- i.e toilet bowl.
i pray while i walk to the MRT station. i pray during the journey
to work. i pray when i bath. i pray when i have pockets of free time.
i pray when i watch tv. i pray before i fall asleep.
i realised i do not have to deliberate set aside 'prayer time' and procastinate....
i sum up all the times i prayed throughout the day, it easily amount
to about 2 hours! if not more...

i had a dream recently. i dreamt i was with a very weak, sickly person.
i needed to support this person. half walking and half dragging him...
i was at a lost...did not know what to do.....
then i decided to pray in tongues since i did not know what to do
something amazing and powerful happened then.
i felt strength and energy going into the person
and he said 'in the name of Jesus..'
i sensed that God is wanting to teach me something....
recalling all the other dreams that i had...
praying in tongues helps us! especially in situations we do not know
what to do. although we can't 'see' with our physical eyes, i firmly
believe that power is released when we pray in tongues.
even when the situation seemingly remain unchanged. but in the
spiritual realm, God is already at work.

you know, when God told me that when i make mistakes,
holy spirit will guide me back to Him. i was like what!. i don't think
i will make mistakes loh. as i plan to obey Him.
haha. i always perceive 'mistakes' as something more serious
maybe something like stealing, cheating, etc.
smile. i recently learnt a lesson.
worry is also a 'mistake'
so is fear.
these are the things HE does not want us to do.
yet we continue to worry and fear. we consider it as 'normal'
as the world does not believe that one can be without worry

i asked God. we have the shield of faith. we are protected.
the promise is 'no weapons formed against us shall prosper'.
then why do we need the helmet of salvation?
God showed me. helmet of salvation is our 'thought life'
we have a choice to what thoughts we fill our minds with.
we have to be very careful to what we are thinking.
that's where the devil tries to plant seeds of confusion and lies
every piece of the armour of God serves a purpose.
i dreamt of the verse Ephesians 6:10

the sword of the spirit. the two edged sword.
the WORD and speaking in tongues. two things that the Lord has
been drawing me to do. i am still trying to read the bible consistently.
to take my daily dose of manna. of late i have this desire to study
the Word in a deeper level. again, the flesh is lazy...
another interesting thought.
'the bible is dead without the holy spirit. it is the holy spirit that gives life'

my spirit did a umph when i read Ken Hagin Jr. an attitude he learned
from his family. 'I cannot be defeated and I will not quit' A committment
to push through to victory has always been a part of his makeup. Even
the family's coat of arms has the motto: Victory or Death.
very inspiring. i too tell myself. from now on it is either Victory or Death
and Jesus is the Victor and victory HE has placed in my hands.
HE trains my hands for war

haha. i too have the chinese anointing. God gave me these two words on
seperate occasions. 1) quan bing 2) yin shui shi yuan
quan bing is authority in english. bing can mean weapon or
the joint between flower or leave to the main branch, besides other meanings.
(yin) drink (shui) water (shi) remember (yuan) source

i cannot understand when God asked me to worship Jesus. Exalt Jesus and
i will be at His right hand. is there a difference between a relationship with
1) God the Father
2) Jesus the Son
3) Holy Spirit ??
.......still figuring.......

The Lord brought to my rememberance that i used to dream a dream
when i was very young. it was long forgotten until now...
in the dream...i saw a big black rolling stone...*imagine a bowling ball x10?*
it was rolling towards me....and as it rolled it got bigger and i looked with
fear. On hindsight, i realised that the devil is working in my mind.
planting fear in me. In Jesus name, i break the bondage of fear.

one thing i desire above all things. the warmth and heart so full with love
that it feels like 'bursting' kind of feeling. so close to heaven kind of feeling.
i pray that i do not lose this feeling. do not depart from the love of God.
you know, my life is nothing without God. seriously nothing. HE stretched
forth His loving arms to save me when i was suffering.
I have nothing in and of myself that i can boast of. absolutely nothing good.
it is the goodness of God that He poured out His lovingkindness and
mercy unto me. i am humbled that He choose such a flawed vessel to bless.
'i won't let go until you say YES. please allow ME to help you'
why would Almighty God plead with me to allow Him to help me.
this is how gracious and loving HE is.

Be patient and wait with quiet confidence. I AM that I AM
Do not fear the world. For I AM for you.